A Bummer of a Walk

Dear Dr T,

One of the things I love about bushwalking is the magnificent scenery, however my enjoyment of a recent walk was spoilt by something considerably less photogenic. The guy in front of me was a bit overweight and this combined with some loose-fitting shorts meant I was confronted with an eyeful of bum-crack that would have made a plumber proud. I couldn't get past him, as it was a narrow track, and even when I did he always seemed to end up in front again. Averting my gaze from this yawning chasm was difficult, as I needed to watch where I was walking in order not to trip over, and besides it was so vast that even when I looked into the distance, this gaping abyss was always in the corner of my eye.

My endurance was stretched beyond the walk, as sitting down in a café afterwards this guy still didn't bother to dress himself and I had to suffer yet again (along with the poor waitress). I was hoping you could give me some advice as to what to do in this situation. Should I say something to the person concerned or maybe a subtle hint such as leaving a belt in his backpack?

Yours Sincerely,
Moon Maiden,
Ascot Vale .

Dear MM,
The low-slung look is very much in vogue at the moment. It is important therefore to understand that this person is not a slob but, worse, a dedicated follower of fashion.

On no account should bushwalking and fashion be allowed to mix - a style-conscious person on a walk makes the rest of us feel uncomfortable. Several years ago I admonished a girl for wearing shoulder pads on the Razor-Viking circuit, this bloke also needs to be taught a lesson that it's uncool to be trendy on a walk.
Suitable punishment would be either the mother of all wedgies or a dacking; you choose, let me know how you go.

Love, Dr T