Veterans Wives Group |
My storyI am one of the 'older' Vietnam Veteran's children. I was born in 1969, about a year after Dad returned. I was insulated enough as a child to believe that everything was 'normal', and so I reached my teenage years before I noticed that we were not quite the same as everyone else. As a kid growing up I always knew that Dad was a bit 'different'. He wasn't quite as friendly as other kids' Dads. He drank a little bit more, yelled a little bit more, and definitely needed his family to be a little more 'structured' than other families we knew. It didn't really matter though, because we all loved him as he was. We learnt young when to tiptoe around him, and when it was best to just keep out of the way. We didn't tend to bring many friends to the house, as we couldn't be sure that he would welcome them. It was easier to see friends elsewhere. We knew from an early age what was expected of us. We knew which chair was Dad's - in the kitchen and in the lounge room, and we knew that we should move if he wanted to sit in his chair. We knew how to pour the perfect beer, and to be seen and not heard. We knew that if we followed the rules we would keep the harmony. To anyone who has not lived his or her lives with a Vietnam Veteran for a father, you are probably feeling sorry for me, and thinking that we should have not been allowed to grow up in such an environment. In a strange way, I feel sorry for you! To a lot of Vets' children my home life would have been a dream. My brothers and I were some of the lucky ones! We were not bashed or abused, just wrapped so tightly in cotton wool that it was almost hard to breathe at times. Our Dad set very high standards for us, and while it was not easy living up to them, none of us are any worse for the experience. If anything, we're better off for it - we all have the education and determination needed to succeed in our chosen fields, and I truly believe that that comes from our upbringing. As I have grown older, I have become aware of something that once struck me as strange. It is not uncommon for friends, relatives, co-workers and even the occasional stranger who find out that I am the child of a Vietnam Veteran to open up and talk to me of what they saw, and how things appeared to them. Whether this is because they believe that Dad's already told me a lot of stuff (which he hasn't), or just because they can't talk to their own kids, I don't know. I do know that it seems to help both of us. Me because through what I am told I can begin to understand my Dad, and why he is the way he is. Them because it they talk of it so rarely, and I hope that it helps them to get it off their chests. I also listen to these men because I hope that if it were my Dad talking, the listener would show the courtesy to him that I believe I show to other people's Dads. One other observation that I have made is that your fathers are proud of you. They may not let you know often, and they may be more critical than complimentary, but they love you and in most cases are very proud of you. It is almost like they are afraid to show that they care, and that to show affection is to show weakness. The affection is generally there, though. My Dad has saved all his up for his grandchildren… and they're all the better for it!!! |
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