Hi, my name is Brenda Appleton and I am the treasurer of the Seahorse Club. I have been a club member for more than 2 years and have made some really meaningful friendships in that time. The Club has been a great meeting ground and I have particularly enjoyed the monthly restaurant nights.

For me, Seahorse has provided the support group that I was looking for in terms of friendship and meeting people, somewhere to go on a regular basis, a place to learn about and practice dressing, makeup etc without feeling threatened or judged. It is also a place to discuss and better understand the issues, problems and alternatives we all face as transgendered people.

I am now taking hormones and it must be the best, but hardest decision, in my life. Hard because I have been married nearly 30 years and the relationship is increasingly threatened, best because I now feel I am a complete person with my gender, body and mental state being aligned for the first time. I just feel right, more content, more understanding of the problems of the past and the needs of the future, at one with myself and building the strength to move on.

As I explore and embrace my feminine side, I am finding new joy and happiness. I have developed my intuition skills and found emotions and feelings that I did not know I had. I have found the joy of being interested in people rather than things. I have found a peace and calm, a state of mind that is powerful and yet scary. Where will it lead and at what loss - wife, children, family, friends, job? Whilst I have enjoyed finding my real self, I have not enjoyed what it has done to my wife and our relationship. Am I being horribly selfish as I pursue the real me? I have faced business challenges all my working life but I had had training for most of that and knew where to go for help.

What now? Frightening and yet exciting new territory to explore, understand and come to grips with. New contacts to establish, new sources of help to find but at the end of the day, a passionate need to be true to myself. The uncertainty of why, what next, how far and then when, have led to countless lost hours of sleep, heartache, questioning, doubts, insecurity and uncertainty.

The journey to find out who I really am continues on. It is scary and uncertain but necessary, it is hard but I hope eventually rewarding, it is long and there is a lot to learn. The risk to my family, friends and job is high but I have to find out where I am comfortable by finding out where I am uncomfortable. Life is a compromise but we need to understand the true boundaries and alternatives before deciding where to draw the line. I want to look back and not have to say, if only ………. Wish me luck!!