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Mornington Police Senior Citizens Register |
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A Crime Prevention and Community Care Initiative by the Mornington Police, for the benefit of our Senior Citizens |
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Funnies |
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Cats Life
One day, a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven. Greeting him, the Lord says: “ You’ve lived a good life. If there’s any way I can make heaven more comfortable, let me know.” The cat thinks for a moment, then says: “all my life I’ve lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor…..” “Say no more!” cries God. Suddenly, a fluffy pillow appears and the cat contently settles down to have a nice long nap. A few days later, six mice killed in a tragic farming accident go to heaven. The Lord greets them with the same offer. The mice answer: “All our lives, we’ve been chased. We’re tired of running…” “Say no more!” says the Lord. In a flash, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful new pair of roller skates, and they skate off happily to explore their new home. About a week later, the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing away. “How are things going since you got here?” the Lord asks quietly. The cat stretches, yawns and replies “Oh, its wonderful here, I sleep on this pillow …. And those Meals on Wheels you’ve sent are the best !!” |
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COLLINGWOOD FANS
Two aged Collingwood fans were having a few beers one day. Frank said “ I don’t know about you Bert, but when its my time to fall off the tree…….. Im not altogether sure about going UP there.” ( points towards heaven ) “No footy up there I guess, No MCG, No Collingwood…. “ “Don’t worry” said Bert “If I fall off the tree first Ill give you a ring and tell you all about it.” Sadly Bert fell first but, as promised, he Rang his fellow Collingwood supporter. “Oh its GREAT up here Frank! There’s plenty of footy the AFL and lots of Pies Supporters!” “Ok, that was the good news, ( Long pause)…….. Its like this Frank….. I was only here two days and they put me on the Pies Selection Committee. Sorry to say we selected the side for next Saturday against Melbourne and we were short a full forward for the match….... so I put your name down ……..hope that’s ok with you??…...…….Frank, are you there???” |
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Three Elderly Ladies One afternoon three elderly ladies were sitting around a table enjoying tea. One woman said to the others "you know, sometimes I find myself in front of the fridge with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, and can't remember if I am supposed to put it away or make a sandwich" Another woman chimed in saying "you know, I have the same problem.... sometimes I find myself at the stairway landing and can't remember if I'm going up or coming down". The third woman proclaimed "well, I'm glad I don't have your problems - knock on wood" as she rapped her knuckles on the table three times and said "oh!, that must be the door, I'll get it!" |
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A recipe for Christmas cheer Irish Cream (Lavina’s) 1 ½ - 2 cups Irish Whisky 1 tin evaporated milk 1 tin condensed milk 1 tsp Vanilla |
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1 tsp Glycerine 1 des-spn Coffee (dissolved in hot water)
Blend well and leave to stand for a week, Refrigerate |
