Recently I received communication from Nick Kehoe, a television reporter from the UK and co-author of Shattered as to whether this book would be of interest to Emerge readers. I agreed to review the book and it is now in the Society's library.

It is the story of Peter Marshall, a young man who was number 2 in the world and England's highest ever ranked squash player, who was struck down with CFS in the mid-1990s. He described a period of a year before his crash as one in which he, at times, would feel a bit sluggish or a little more tired after a tournament and would tell himself he just needed to train harder. Then in the middle of a tournament, he crashed. "I had never felt so bad on a squash court. I have never felt so bad anywhere. I wasn't breathing very well, but the most noticable thing was how much my muscles were aching.... and my limbs felt heavy. My whole body was lethargic. There was no energy. My co-ordination and movement were totally out".

From that point on, Peter had a relapsing and remitting course, that took him to the depths of despair, wondering if his career could ever be salvaged. He tried many alternative remedies, none of which he found helpful.

It seems that his turn-around came a fter an emotional wake-up call, "It was typical of me to tell myself that I should try a cure, no matter how bizzare, bacause it could just be the one that works. It wasn't in my nature to give in. I had spent all my life battling to win, to suceed, and to overcome every obstacle to achieve my ambition to get to the top in squash. It was hardly suprising that I should apply the same determination to beat my illness. In the end, however, I felt that the search itself was becoming part of the problem. For four years, I had been building my hopes up with each new treatment only to come crashing down again when they failed to work. It was becoming counter-productive. The constant dissapoitment was making me feel worse. It's good to be a fighter and have a never-say-die attitude. But there are limits. There was no point in torturing myself anymore. There had to come a point that I accepted that enough was enough.

The stress and anxiety I was feeling in my desparate search for a cure were taking their toll. Perhaps there was a danger that I had got into a vicious circle. It was possible that my mental state had stopped being the effect of my illnes and had started becoming the cause.

I tried to look at my personality to see if there was something there that could be contributing to the illness. Perhaps my energies had been chanelled too much in one direction... people who were highly ambitious... allow their careers to assume too much importance. Consequently, if they become ill they may be frightened of losing ground that they return to work too soon".

It was these revalations that led Peter to take on a more relaxed attitude. He started to have fun, worry less and over time began to recover.

He made a come-back. He manages his health by appropriate rest periods, not over-training and caring a little less.

This book shows sufferers that recovery is possible. There are some useful insights into why people may be vulnerable, espicially the group of elite athletes who push their bodies and spirits to the limit.

My major criticism of this book is that unless you are a squash fan, much of it will bore readers. There are too many pages devoted to the very insular world of squash, matches, opponents, scores etc.

But, if you are looking for a little bit of hope - this might be the book for you.

Reprinted from Emerge, Spring 2001.