Worksheet: Being a trans-man I've never quite fitted into society. Although it was my childhood dream to have a wife and kids and a house and ra ra ra, I was learning, as I got older that it wouldn't be quite that easy. I have stopped trying to fit in. I don't even really care if I don't pass as a man all the time… I call myself a trans-man, mostly cos I think it sounds kinda nice (like I am a trans-man for the county')... it is my way of saying I'm a female-to-male transsexual (which doesn't sound nice at all)... i.e. a man who has XX chromosomes, or to use an awful cliché, a man trapped inside a woman's body. I have no idea why I am like this. For as long as I can remember, I have known I was male. When I was a little kid, I believed I would grow up into a man and everyone would see the horrible mistake they'd made. I was so convincing, all the other kids believed me and I was able to be a boy, right up until we properly learnt the 'facts of life' and puberty struck me and I grew up into a woman, not a man. Well I went through a lot of shite--thinking I 'must' be a lesbian (since I liked girls), trying to be as feminine as possible, inventing crushes on guys so I could pretend to be straight and be accepted at school… Until my first serious girlfriend encouraged me to live out the real, male me and we discovered these guys called FtM. Transsexuals that were just like me... and finally I was able to be myself. Sure, it's hard sometimes, being this big screwed-up, feeling my whole life is a lie... it can drive me insane, how hard I have to fight just to get across to people I'm a man. And not having a penis and not being able to father children and not being able to marry a woman and not being able to play cricket on the guys' teams and. well the list could go on and on. I've come close to suicide a few times, but fortunately I have good friends and some sort of friendly spirit that's on my side... because I'm still here. Besides, I am young, just out of puberty... I hope to start taking testosterone over my summer vacation, which at least will eliminate some of my problems. And you know, I'm actually starting to enjoy being a trans-man... sometimes if I 'm in a good mood, well, in any case, I don't get so frustrated, depressed, and angry as I used to... (Hillier, L, Dempsey, D, Harrison, L, Beal, L, Matthews, L & Rosenthal DA 1998, Writing Themselves In, Natural Centre in HIV Social Research, La Trobe University, Melbourne, p 39.) How would society define this person? Why? What are the implications of this for this person? What does it tell us about gender? How does he feel about himself? How much power does this person have? What changes would need to happen in society to enable this person to feel more comfortable with his gender? Anne Mitchell, LaTrobe University, Melbourne			Home ·  About M.A.N. ·  Activism ·  F.A.Q.'s ·  Legal ·  Documents ·  Publications ·  Education ·  Health ·  Supporters ·  Links ·  Sitemap ·  Contact
	Last modified: 28 January 2003

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