Thanks Wilko.

Subject:pretty good: By David Feherty
>
>
>
>  "People have accused me of being so far up Tiger's arse that he  can 
> barely make a full swing, but I maintain that he is a special person.
>
> There's no one else on the planet who can do what he does or even think of
> doing what he does. I've often thought, instead of showing Tiger's 
> reaction to a shot he's hit, we really should show the reaction of those 
> around him."
>
> But here is the next best thing. "I'm walking down the 18th fairway at
> Firestone Country Club with Ernie Els and Tiger, who has popped up a 
> three-wood about 40 yards behind Ernie into some wet, nasty, horrible,
> six-inch rough," Feherty says. "Tiger's cursing and taking clumps out of 
> Ohio with his three-wood. And, of course, we're not showing this on TV 
> because we want to be able to interview him later. Ernie and I walk past 
> Tiger's ball, and it is truly buried.
>
> "Ernie is tied with Tiger and he's in the middle of the fairway. I'm  
> standing with Ernie and my microphone is open. Ken Venturi [in
> the CBS booth] sends it to me and I say, 'Tiger's got 184 yards with two 
> big red oaks overhanging the green. He's got absolutely nothing. With a 
> stick of dynamite and a sand wedge I might be able to move this ball 50 
> yards. Steve Williams [Woods' caddie] tells me [with a hand signal] that 
> he's using a pitching wedge.'  "Tiger takes his swing. Every muscle in his
> body is flung at the ball. It looks like he's torn his nutsack. The divot 
> went as far as I could hit the ball. I've got my microphone at my mouth 
> thinking, what the hell was that!
>
> The ball sails over the trees, lands behind the hole and backs  up to 
> about six feet from the flag. I open my microphone and Ernie turns and
>
> says, 'F***  me!'
>
> "My producer comes on in my earpiece and says, 'Was that Ernie?' I say 
> yes. He says, 'Fair enough.' "I could have described that shot for 15 
> minutes and not done as good a job as Ernie did with two words. This is 
> the second best player in the world talking, and you wanna know how good 
> Tiger is? Ask Ernie Els."

Another contribution from Josh.  It's a Powerpoint presentation.
Click Here

One from Russell
Click Here

One from Murf.

Story with a Moral  - Sound Advice

 In 1923, Who Was:

 1. President of the largest steel company?

 2. President of the largest gas company?

 3. President of the New York Stock Exchange?

 4. Greatest wheat speculator?

 5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?

 6. Great Bear of Wall Street?

 These men were considered some of the worlds most successful of their days.

 Now,> 80 years later, the history book asks us, if we know what ultimately became of them.

 The Answers:

 1. The president of the largest steel company.
 Charles Schwab,
 died a pauper.

 2. The president of the largest gas company,
 Edward Hopson,
 went insane.

 3. The president of the NYSE,
 Richard Whitney,
 was released from prison
 to die at home.

 4 The greatest wheat speculator,
 Arthur Cooger,
 died abroad, penniless.

 5. The president of
 the Bank of International Settlement,
 shot himself.

 6. The Great Bear of Wall Street,
 Cosabee Livermore,also committed suicide.

 However:
 in that same year, 1923, the PGA Champion and the winner of the
 most important golf tournament, the US Open, was Gene Sarazen.!
 What became of him?


 He played golf until he was 92,
 died in 1999 at the age of 95.
 He was financially secure
 at the time of his death.

 The Moral:

 Screw work.
 Play golf!!!

From Grant:

Subject 
Fwd: The man, the osterich and the cat                                 
                                                                           
A  man, an ostrich and a cat are sitting in  a bar. The
man says,  "I'll have a beer" and turns to the ostrich "What's  yours?"
"I'll have a beer too" says the ostrich. The cat says "I'll  have half a
beer, but I'm not paying for it."The bartender pours the  beers and says "That'll be
$3.40 please."and the man reaches into his pocket  and pulls out the exact
change for payment. The next day the man, ostrich and  cat come again, and
the man says "I'll have a beer"  and the ostrich  says "I'll have the same"
and the cat says "I'll have half a glass of beer  but I'm not paying for
it."  Once again the man reaches into his pocket  and pays with
the exact change.  This becomes routine until late one evening  the trio
enter again. "The usual?" asks the bartender. "Well its close  to last
orders,so I'll have a large scotch" says the man. "Same for me" says  the
ostrich."I'll have a small scotch but I'm not paying for it" says the  cat.
"That'll be $7.20," says the bartender. Once again the man pulls  the exact
change out of his pocket and places it on the bar. The bartender  can't
hold back his curiosity any longer. "Excuse me sir. How do you  manage to always
come up with the exact change from your pocket every time?" "Well," says
the man, "Several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found  an old
lamp.
When I rubbed it a genie appeared and offered me 2 wishes. My  first was
that if I ever had to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my  pocket and the
right money will always be there." "That's brilliant!"  says the bartender. "Most
people would wish for a million dollars or  something, but you'll always be as
rich as you want for as long as you live!"  "That's right, whether it's a gallon
of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there" says the man.
The bartender then asks one  other thing, "Sir, what's with the ostrich and
the cat?"
The man replies "My  second wish was for a bird with long legs and a tight
pussy".

From Travis:

VEGIE GOLF INC

GLOSSARY OF TERMS

THE BLONDIE: A term not often heard in Vegie Golf circles, as it requires the driving of a ball off the tee both straight and long the combination of which, is not achieved on a regular basis. However, when achieved the golfer is said to have struck a Blondie as such a stroke is deemed to be a fair crack up the middle.

THE JOE COCKER: A much used term when the Vegie Golfer actually strikes the ball on it’s under surface with the clubface and not on the top of the ball which, is more normally the case. This act of striking the ball on its’ under surface will cause it to travel further upward than it does outward, hence, it is deemed to be higher than Joe Cocker.

THE CRUTCH: This is something in the life of Vegie Golfers that they all strive for. The Crutch occurs when the golfer is no closer to the green than 30 meters and by using any legitimate club, is able with a lofted shot, land his ball on the green. This shot is known as the Crutch, as it is where we would all prefer our balls to be.

THE CUT LOAF: A garden variety problem among Vegie Golfers, the expression Cut Loaf can be used as both a verb and a noun. However, the noun variety is more common. The Cut Loaf occurs where the right handed golfer strikes the ball and it moves in the air from left to right, this is said to be a slice. However, where the golfer has a number of slices one after another, it is deemed to be more like a Cut Loaf.

THE FANNY: Most popular among Vegie Golfers on and of the course, one is deemed to have achieved a Fanny when one’s drive fails to reach the ladies tee. The penalty for this apart from abject humiliation, is the requirement to shout the drinks. Quite often, the golfer will also be required to finish the round with pink balls.

THE FISHERMAN: As with the Cut Loaf, the Fisherman can also be used as a verb or a noun. Most commonly, the right handed Vegie Golfer who moves the ball in the air from right to left is said to have achieved a hook. The golfer however, who does this with regular monotony, is said to be a Fisherman as he appears not to be able to do anything without a hook.

THE HITLER: A shot to be avoided even though it does bring joy to your companions. The Hitler is achieved when one’s approach shot to the green goes directly to the bunker and there is little to no prospect of getting it out. It would appear the expression has some historical significance.

THE JESUS: Although you hear the name being appealed to four or five times per group per hole, the real Jesus shot may only come around once every 2000 years or so. The shot is achieved by driving directly towards a water hazard and then by divine intervention and by virtue of its low trajectory, the ball will skip across the water and come safely to rest on dry land.

THE KATHY: A Vegie golf expression that is also irrefutable evidence that political correctness is a repugnant concept to the group’s charter. The Kathy is achieved when the golfer strikes the top of the ball with the bottom of the club (you will notice that this is opposite in concept to the Joe Cocker). The end result of this if the ball is struck with any gusto, is that it will scuttle across the ground at a ripping pace. The shot is therefore called the Kathy, in honour of Kathy Freeman, as it is quick across the ground but rather unattractive.

THE PETER GARRATT: Not being familiar with the middle of the fairway most Vegie golf shots go left or right and on occasions rather than crashing into the trees, the ball apparently of its’ own accord (no one has been able to demonstrate this phenomenon as a deliberate act), will continue down the tree line with very little margin for error. This shot is deemed to be a Peter Garratt as it hugs the trees.

THE ROBINHOOD: Wherever trees come into play, they are like a magnet to the Vegie Golfer and given that the Peter Garratt has been officially listed as a phenomena, the sight and sound of balls crashing into the woods is all to familiar. It is then the speed of entry, the difficulty of sighting same and the almost impossible task of getting them out, that has led this shot to be called the Robinhood. There are those however, that believe the high level of larceny, graft and corruption that occurs while purportedly looking for the ball, is the real reason for the name.

THE ROCK HUDSON: To the Vegie Golfer arrival on the green is in itself a minor victory and the putting almost an entirely different game. The lining up of the put being essential, it is usually given deliberation far above the player’s skill level. When such deliberation has been taken and it is decided that the put is straight and the player plays down his chosen line only to see the ball deviate with the lay of the land either right or left, the put is deemed to be a Rock Hudson in that it looked straight, but it wasn’t.

THE SISTER: If any further proof of the lack of political correctness is needed, look no further. It must be remembered that with most Vegie Golf shots, the intention is clear it is only the execution that can leave the observer bewildered. It is therefore, very possible for the golfer to achieve his ultimate goal by unintended means such as arriving on the green via a kind bounce off one or more trees. This is said to be a Sister Shot, as in fact you are up there but not proud of it.