Posted by Chrissie EW on April 03, 1999 at 17:38:53:
In Reply to: Chukwu Octuplets on 20-20 posted by Angela on April 01, 1999 at 13:46:32:
I wasn't going to post because I wasn't quite sure which soap box I should hop up on- the preemie one, the infertility one, or the multiple one. After reading all of the posts I just have a few comments, which may turn into a short novel-LOL.
My husband and I tried to get pregnant for 2 years before successfully conceiving with the help of pergonal (an injected hormone to help produce follicles) and HCG (releases the follicles-ovulation). We had wonderful doctors. We went to the best ART (Assited Reproductive Technology)doctors in our part of the country, had check-ups and ultrasounds weekly,etc. Before becoming pregnant on this cycle we knew that we had a greater chance of having multiples than having one baby. We were given these odds at the "talk" you have before receiving the HCG shot. We had 14 "huge" follicles-from infertile to FERTILE!!! We were given the opportuntiy to cancel the cycle and didn't. After so many disappointments we didn't think we could go through all of this again. Knowing you cannot conceive without medical intervention is heartbreaking and agonizing. I think people who have never been there do not realize how desperate you become. We found out we were pregnant with triplets at 4 weeks. We were given the facts about selective reduction, preterm delivery, premature infants, etc. We decided not to reduce and have never regretted that decision. We did not know until their delivery that we were really expecting quads. One was always playing hide-and-seek during the ulrasounds and was never discovered (to this day they are still that mischevious). After my babies' births, and the death of my son, Raymond Cole, six days later, we felt completely devastated and alone. Although Michael, Christina, & Amelia spent only 10 weeks in the NICU and had a relatively "easy" course, it was still the worst time in my life. The heartache and uncertainty a preemie parent faces each day is horrible and only a preemie parent knows just how bad, BAD can be. I do not regret having fertility treatments, instead I am so thankful for them. I would have never known the joy that my children give me. They complete my life. I have a hard time believing that the government should be able to tell me when and if I have children. I am in agreement that a mother is putting herself and her children at risk with a higher order multiple pregnancy, but I do not want to be the one to tell her she doesn't have that choice-no matter how selfish I might think the decision to have so many babies at one time is, I don't want to be in that position. I certainly would have not liked someone telling me the same.
(Deep Breath)
One more thing, I think the way multiples are portrayed in this country is ridiculous! Shows like 20/20 just add to the already numerous misconceptions about higher order multiples. Many people are under the impression that if you have quads or more, that the multiple fairy floats down from Heaven and begins handing out gifts. This is not the case. Furthermore, I don't believe that you should receive special gifts just because you have multiples. When having my babies I didn't expect and did not receive anything. We even tried to get SSI benefits and did not qualify-go figure. Also, not every set of multiples comes with a slew of around the clock volunteers....Don't think I would have wanted that anyway-I was much to "germ conscious" for that. I didn't even let their grandparents see them if they had the sniffles and everyone had to wash their hands raw before touching them. It irritates me at all of the press that the octuplets and septuplets get on how much they are given. I have news for them-what they were given will still not be enough to raise 7 and 8 children. I can't imagine the expense of raising and sending 7-8 children to college at the same time. They have there work cut-out for them and my prayers.
I think the media tries to "sugar-coat" and condense issues for 30 minute spots. And of course there is always that "happy ending" that makes the rest of us think "Why didn't that happen for me?" This is not reality for those of us dealing with the infertility/preemie/multiple issues on a daily basis. Having a preemie doesn't end when you get that baby home. Unfortunately for the Chukwu family, I am sure they agree that their life is not as "easy" as portrayed on 20/20. And remember, they only had 3 home at the time of this interview. Just imagine how their lives will change again.
Only when you have been in a position can you fully appreciate it. I am not sure anyone, not even my closest family member, realizes how much of an impact having premature children had on me. I am just so glad that we have this forum so we can talk to the people that truly understand. For the rest of the world, they may never know what it is like to have a preemie. I just wish for once they could portray it correctly on television-just once. Yes, I know, I am living in a fantasy world.
By the way, I think what Mrs. Chukwu did to save her children was remarkable, but not out of the ordinary. Many of us were hospitalized, pumped full of drugs, etc. Unfortunately for me and many others, no amount of prayer could have lengthened our pregnancies...
I am sorry that this was so long. I don't even remember what I wrote. I hope I haven't offended anyone, that was not my intention. Just wanted to put in my 2 cents worth (or was it 10 cents?)...
Chrissie W. (Mommy to Michael, Christina, ^^Raymond^^, & Amelia-former 26 weekers now 4yrs)