another baby, labor rooms, and all that
Gary Shuman (gshuman@ix.netcom.com)
Mon, 1 Apr 1996 11:49:12 -0800
After Carly was born (25 weeks 1 lb 8oz) we decided not to have anymore
children. My cervix was so weak and incompetent and scarred that
doctors doubted I could carry another baby to even 25 weeks. So when
Carly was 11 months old and I found out I was pregnant again I was
devastated. I had just gotten over the guilt of one premature birth and
could not fathom going thru it all again. My body showed no signs of
rejection so three stitches were put in at 12 weeks and my life was
invaded by TOGOS and relatives with every advice in the world. In '86
Togos was still in its infancy so they took only what insurance would
pay and didn't ask us to make up the difference.
Dustin made his appearance 6 weeks early. Even though he came early the
labor and all were very normal. I was not worried because as far as I
was concerned I was full term. When I was put in a labor room with all
the perks of a "real mom expecting a real baby", I realized that this
might not be too bad. I had a super easy delivery instead of a tearful
one. I got to sit up to see my baby instead of being too drugged to sit
up. I heard his loud cry instead of quiet murmurings of the attendants.
I held him in my arms instead of being held down during my D&C. And I
was wheeled out holding him to show off to a gallery of admirers
instead of quiet condolences. It was totally worth it! Worth every
greasy lank of stringy hair on my head, every missed bath, every
contraction I had to record -- everything! I know the second time
around may not be the same for everyone, but the way I felt I needed to
feel that one success before we called it quits. Three years later I
had to have a Hysterectomy, so I am so grateful that I got to
experience such a wonderful pregnancy -- despite the six month's bed
rest.
It seemed to me I had more problems with friends announcing their
pregnancies to me than uncaring nurses. My first hospitalization was
only five days long, yet in those five days 3 girls came to visit me to
announce they were pregnant. The idea! Did they expect something from
me? When the 3rd girl came to visit (not a personal favorite of mine) I
very snottily said "Excuse me for not turning cartwheels as I'm
confined to bed." She made a hasty retreat and never came to visit me
again. I am ashamed now but back then that was my only defense. The
nurses were sweet and understanding if not a little naive. They kept
hovering asking me if I needed anything or if I just wanted to talk.
Then we had problems with the people who felt they were helping by
coming and staying for an hour. Some even ignored the NO VISITOR sign
and just barged in. One afternoon I was exhausted from visitors all
morning, so I unplugged my phone so I could sleep. A friend called from
work and when I did not answer my phone she called the nurses station
in a panic saying there was something wrong. The nurse bounded down the
hall and burst in on the best nap I had had for weeks.
I wish hospitals would set up a constant care ward for expectant
mothers that are visitor restricted, allowing moms to get quiet and
rest. More hospitals need to realize these are not just sick ladies but
ladies carrying lives that depend on them to survive. Regular wards are
no place for high-risk pregnancies.
Stacey, mom to Carly 10,and Dustin 9