feeling humiliated on bedrest

Cris Coffey (CCOFFEY@rugs.bry.indiana.edu)
Thu, 28 Mar 1996 09:15:07 EST5 

I'm wondering if any of you Moms out there felt the same way I did on 
bed rest.  It was the most degrading period in my life, even though I 
was fighting so hard for something so good.

I was not allowed to shower more than once every 2 or 3 days, and 
then only if my contractions had been under control all day.  I was 
not allowed to get up and walk to the toilet (even though it was in 
the very next room) and had to use a bedside potty--one step away 
from the bed.  Sadly, my husband had to empty it every morning before 
work (and with all the water I was told to drink, I was up every hour 
during the night using the potty) and every night before bed.  He and 
my mother had to cook all meals, wash all laundry, wait on me hand 
and foot.  After a long day of working and caring for me, my husband 
would crawl in to bed and I'd have to remind him, "Honey, I need my 
water pitcher filled up for the night."  I felt so bad and like such 
a burden.

Mix with this the fact that I was FAT!  Even my face got fat.  I got 
bad stretch marks on my rear from scooting around the bed for 16 
weeks.  I smelled awful and my hair was always dirty (lack of 
showers), no makeup, hair usually not fixed.  In fact, my mother cut 
off my long, beautiful hair because we couldn't keep it tangle-free 
while I was on bed rest.  If I got too smelly (which happened a lot 
because being pregnant also made me sweat like a hog) and didn't have 
my contractions under control for a shower, my mom or my husband 
usually gave me sponge baths and tried to wash my hair with me laying 
on the bed.  And I couldn't really be a "wife" to my husband.  
Intimacy was totally restricted the entire time.  I was so afraid 
he'd leave me.  I was just this fat, smelly lump, laying there on the 
bed, not contributing to anything, depending on everyone else to 
serve me, entertain me, and empty my stinky potty.  The only thing 
that kept me going was "Skeeter" (Brandon's pet name while still in 
the womb), and knowing that all these humiliations meant his 
survival.  He was worth every minute of it.  But I want to know if 
any of you who were on bed rest had the same feelings of humiliation. 
 Am I alone in those feelings?

Cris