Bonding
Lynda Seehusen (lyndas@dordt.edu)
Tue, 26 Mar 1996 11:59:34 -0600 (CST)
I was very scared to love Emma at first. She was my first, my only,
my only known birth relative (I'm adopted and only recently found
my birth mom :). I held myself back from loving her for fear I would
lose her and REALLY feel pain. She was 2 months old before I admitted
to myself that I'd be devastated one way or the other if she died so
I might as well enjoy my baby while I had her. There are never any
guarantees in life and you can lose full-termers too. Sorry to sound
so morbid, it's how I was feeling at the time!
The short of it is: We've bonded just fine. She is a terrific little
girl (when she's not driving me crazy :) who I wouldn't trade for the
world.
"Golden hour"? Phooey, I don't buy it. We talk about this on my adoptees
list fairly often too. I didn't join my adoptive family until I was
5 weeks old. No bonding problems. Bonding in the early days is largely
a matter of the baby having a need and that need being met in a caring
and consistent fashion. In my case, I was with a foster family for
5 weeks. They took good physical care of me, fed me when I cried,
rocked me, etc. I "bonded" in the sense that I learned the world was
basically a safe place. Then when I got to my a-family, I continued
to have safe, loving and consistent care and grew to have feelings
of love for them as well.
That's a bit of a simplistic explanation of bonding, but it'll have
to do :)
Lynda, mom to 33 weeker Emma, 3.6 and 39 weeker Shannon, 5.5 months.
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"We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom in it--and
stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She
will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again, and that is well; but also
she will never sit down on a cold one anymore." Mark Twain
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