Re: Bonding

jwright@ldl.net
Sat, 23 Mar 1996 22:21:47 -0500 

Ina,
I was the same way with Kayleigh.  I now feel if I had only done more
touching and refused to leave when told to ect she would not have died.  I
am sure as time went on if she had lived I would feel as you do.  I have
tried to pull away from Kristen and now I hate that she is a Daddy's girl.
She wants her Daddy more than anything or anyone.  Trevor is very much
attached to me.  I spent so much time with him and was so exited to be with
him.  He didn't cause me any pain as Kristen did.  I just want you to know
you are not the only one.  I have been there and would have liked to have
been there more.
Stephanie

At 09:11 AM 3/23/96 +-200, you wrote:
>I brought this subject up in an early message of mine but would like to
repeat it again as so many new members have joined since then.
>
>The one aspect of having Devin prematurely that has caused me the most soul
searching has been the one of Bonding with him.  
>
>I gave birth to Gareth at 33 weeks but it was a normal birth, I got to hold
him for a few seconds after the birth and as I took him from the doctor he
gave me a look of such intensity - from that second on I was lost, the most
overwhelming feeling of love and I cannot explain it in words but I was him
and he was me type of feeling.  He is now 4 and we have always been
extremely close.  Gareth, was only kept in high care for a day and then I
was able to hold him quite often although he was under "lights" for a week.
>
>With Devin, I had a c-section under general, did not see him for 24 hours
and when I did he was connected to so many tubes etc.  I could not hold him
for weeks and when I could it was for a few seconds with the NICU staff
hovering over me.  I was not sure if he was going to live and I am sure
sub-consciously, I held myself back.  Please do not get me wrong, I LOVED
him from the first but it took me a long time to bond with him and accept
him as MY child.  For so long he belonged to the hospital.  I am so scared
that this will affect my relationship with him in the future - will we ever
be able to communicate so closely with each other as Gareth and I do??
>
>Please, have any of you felt this way or am I the only "unnatural" mother
around.
>
>Regards
>Ina
>
>
>
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*Daddy and Mommy to Trevor, Kristen and Kayleigh

                    :)       :)          O:)

                   4years   10months     4/16-19/95

 James and Stephanie Wright

 Wright Associates								  
 Jwright@ldl.net								  
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