Bonding

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I brought this subject up in an early message of mine but would like to =
repeat it again as so many new members have joined since then.

The one aspect of having Devin prematurely that has caused me the most =
soul searching has been the one of Bonding with him. =20

I gave birth to Gareth at 33 weeks but it was a normal birth, I got to =
hold him for a few seconds after the birth and as I took him from the =
doctor he gave me a look of such intensity - from that second on I was =
lost, the most overwhelming feeling of love and I cannot explain it in =
words but I was him and he was me type of feeling.  He is now 4 and we =
have always been extremely close.  Gareth, was only kept in high care =
for a day and then I was able to hold him quite often although he was =
under "lights" for a week.

With Devin, I had a c-section under general, did not see him for 24 =
hours and when I did he was connected to so many tubes etc.  I could not =
hold him for weeks and when I could it was for a few seconds with the =
NICU staff hovering over me.  I was not sure if he was going to live and =
I am sure sub-consciously, I held myself back.  Please do not get me =
wrong, I LOVED him from the first but it took me a long time to bond =
with him and accept him as MY child.  For so long he belonged to the =
hospital.  I am so scared that this will affect my relationship with him =
in the future - will we ever be able to communicate so closely with each =
other as Gareth and I do??

Please, have any of you felt this way or am I the only "unnatural" =
mother around.

Regards
Ina

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