Guilt and Bonding (fwd)
Compustat Staff (nhorizon@iafrica.com)
Thu, 29 Feb 1996 20:23:08 +0200 (GMT+0200)
---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Thu, 29 Feb 1996 18:38:07 +0200 (GMT+0200)
From: Compustat Staff <nhorizon@iafrica.com>
To: Preemi-l@vicnet.net.au
Subject: Guilt and Bonding
Oh boy do I know the "GUILT" feeling, and I have been through it twice.
The first time I thought this is just something that happened and
although blamed myself did not really suffer major hang up guilt. When
it happened the second time and at such an early stage I really thought
that I was the most useless women - I mean anyone can carry a baby cant
they and I got it wrong twice. Everytime they had to do some ghastly
procedure on Devin I was overcome with guilt and to this day each time he
goes into hospital, I feel It is my fault. I know a lot of Preemie
parent over compensate for this guilt and let the little ones get away
with murder - I try and be a normal mother and treat him as a normal child.
Another major issue that I have had to deal with is BONDING. After
having my first child "naturally" and being able to hold him albeit for a
few seconds after birth and then being able to hold him every day - I
felt a terrible - separateness from Devin - gave birth under general and
when I did see him the next day he looked like something from MARS. I
could not hold him for weeks as he was on the pump and after that I had
to ask permission from I.C.U. sisters to hold him for a few seconds each
day. He was their child not mine. It took a long time for me to really
accept him as my child and lose the fear that he was going to leave me
again. Today, two years later I have overcome most of it but guilt about
giving birth early and also about not bonding to him as I did to my
eldest will always be a factor in our relationship.
Hang in there - it does get easier.
Ina.