Re: The Mack Women - Triplet Girls
Gary/Tammy (gbangs@earthlink.net)
Wed, 28 Feb 96 22:59:37 EST
welcome John!!
Ahh, the guilt. After 6 years of infertility, the death of Alex
in-utero and then the prematurity of Taylor, this is a subject I know.
The guilt will always be there, you'll just learn to deal with it with
your head instead of your heart. You will always play the 'if-only'
game. Think about when they're 16 and dye their hair and get various
parts of their body pierced, guilt and the 'what did I do wrong' will
creep in then also.
THe thing you must realize is that the guilt is only a mask for a much
deeper emotion, usually fear. Your wife is still very afraid of the
situation and the possible outcomes. You need to deal with the other
issues, then the quilt will be less severe, even toleraable.
I know that for me, I used to tell Gary that he was free to leave me
and find a woman who could give him a family. (during the infertility
stage). The best and most helpful thing he would do was just to hold
me and tell me that he was there no matter what. "l love you" is very
healing.
As I told Tom, I encourage you to keep a journal. It usuallly is alot
easier to write down your emtions than it is to say them. Usually it
starts out talking about the guilt, then proceeds to the real issue.
Being able to read each others thoughts helps you to think through
them and discard the absurd. Seeing your fears in print somehow makes
them seem less significant. Plus it is alot easier to deal with the
downside of things when you have written proof of all the steps
forward the girls have made.
Tammy, mom to Taylor and angel Alex, and Travis, wife to mostly 'out to sea' Gary.