Jacqueline wasn't keen at all. What a waste of time, she said to Patrice and Magda. But after talking further to Patrice and Magda she decided it might be a bit of fun after all. What made her mind up was that the girls gave her a bit of a slush fund to see her through the evening. Cool she thought, I'l party for free!
Magda, Patrice Jacqueline and "Kiwi" all set off together. Now part of the Friday night throng they all walked arm in arm through town. Up China town and through the Greek part of the city to the Golden Square Carpark. Into "Dave"'s orange Monaro they all piled and headed off to the Old Greek Theatre. Just before the Butthole Surfers were due to come on the
atmosphere was electric. The ground floor had been gutted of chairs and a concave floor sloped down towards a kooky old stage. Upstairs the balcony was still cluttered with narrow row's of hardshell leather cinema chairs. Everyone was waiting to see what the Butthole Surfers were like on their first tour of Melbourne. Jacqueline though, she was pissed off because she had to seduce Conrad. Jacqueline was plodding dutifully around the theatre when she would much rather be standing watching the band with the others. Seducing "Kiwi" Jim by mistake was the first thing she did. Pouncing on him in a dark corner she rubbed up against "Kiwi" like a cat, kissing him and giving him a huge erection. Feeling a tap on her shoulder Jacqueline was spun around by Magda to face the music. He's mine she hissed, I'll kick your cunt so hard you won't walk for a week unless you fuck off, NOW! Jacqueline fucked off smirking in surprise.
Magda walked up to "Kiwi" and grabbed him by his Buttholes tshirt holding her fist close to his chest. He could feel her thigh rubbing against his erection. From now on you won't hold anything back. I'm going to leave you so drained you won't have the energy to breathe. "Kiwi" looked at Magda with concern. I'm missing the Butthole Surfers because of you! "Kiwi" took Magda roughly by the hand as soon as she relaxed her grip. They both pushed and shoved their way to the front of the crowd. Loud, intense and pretty fucken psycho describes the Butthole Surfers, though the Bong Song was a quieter moment. They had one of the most intense film and slide shows anyone had ever seen. It sure burnt holes in all the brains of the acid takers.
That night "Kiwi" was feeling particularly inspired. This was his favourite band up on the stage. Scraping Foetus off the Wheel would be the only competition, if they ever toured. Upstaging the band was what "Kiwi" was thinking about. He chose a long intense song with religious connotations. This inspired his rebellious Irish, Catholic, Punk nature. Stage divers had like lem mings been flocking to the Buttholes. Dispersing off the speaker stacks to be caught by members of the audience. But not "Kiwi" he got up on the stage and stood there like Jesus crucified on the cross at Calvary. No one noticed at first. Then everyone thought he was a DICKHEAD. Suddenly what he was doing got way cool! Pissed off the Buttholes singer tried to push "Kiwi" out of the way. This gave ""Kiwi"" more power. He became very powerful as the singer tried desperately to regain control. Not for the Buttholes but for "Kiwi" the crowd now screamed. Magda started going hysterical with glee. She was "clagging" so much it started dripping down her leg! The foldback guy finally decided to do something. Just in time ""Kiwi"" spotted him. With the graceful style of a highboard diver he launched himself into the audience.
Catching him were the friends he came to the gig with. While everybody else just congratulated him, Magda did the only thing she felt appropriate. Pushed past them and got "Kiwi" in a strangle hold and started kissing him uncontrollably. She couldn't stop even when he fell to the floor. Magda was going to fuck him there as she rolled around on top of him. Then something strange happened. Magda had an orgasm. She was lying there the petit mort bliss having put paid to her fuck plans. "Kiwi" was already back in the crowd. This was a rude fright, she opened her eyes to give him a gentle hug but he was gone. His mind was elsewhere but he wasn't far away from her, intensely focused on the Butthole Surfers. Quickly she leapt up and stood in solidar ity appreciating the Buttholes. But she really wanted to take him home and fuck him and no one would stop her, decided Magda resolutely.
Up the back, Jacqueline saw none of this, she was still looking for Conrad! Bored, disinterested and unable to find him she climbed the grand staircase to the first floor balcony. While walking around by the toilets she thought ironically. Shit I hope he is not overdosed on drugs. What if he is dead in the dunnys, thought Jacqueline. Why else would they want me to do this shit to him unless he's another "Dave" wannabe, mused Jacqueline. Hmmp...went Jacqueline in disgust. "Dave" the cool bloke who says he isn't gay but still seems to stick his dick up men! It's not always consenting and it's not always with legal adults either. She smirked, he was a POOFTER alright. What a hypocrite "Dave" is, Jacqueline thought. She dutifully checked the mens toilets on Patrice and Magdas behalf. A guy was having piss who blushed and tried to hide himself in the corner. Another walked in as she walked out and seemed to panic himself at the sight of a women in a mens domain and Jacqueline felt powerful! She realised that there's only one place he can be, sitting on the balcony and there he was. Towards the front languid and spread out staring aimlessly at the Buttholes.
JACQUELINE AND CONRAD GET TOGETHER AGAIN
The first thing that crossed her mind was that he looked familiar. She again compared him to "Dave". They were similar height and frame. In his ear Jacqueline whispered exactly something that would get "Dave" She decided that he MUST be stoned on heroin. Jacqueline made a decision to give him a bit of encouragement! Taking one of Conrads hands she expertly began rubbing it over her breasts. She asked him if they were the biggest ones he had ever felt? Conrad looked a bit confused though he also seemed to be enjoying what she was doing with his hands. Jacqueline also looked most familiar to Conrad. Have we met before he asked her. Maybe in a past life was Jaqueline snappy comeback! Look there's something wrong with my memory it could be too many drugs, though lately I've been thinking it might be food allergy, he said. Its actually a awful case of post traumatic stress syndrome thought Jacqueline, though she didn't tell him this.
Conrad then nervously asked Jacqueline if she had the right guy. He finished with I don't feel very comfortable at the moment. Jacqueline moved closer and started to kiss him. Conrad couldn't help but respond. Soon Jacqueline and Conrad were pashing madly. She thought about Conrad and decided he was plain but a good kisser. Jacqueline was measuring her pray up inbetween the pashes. Conrad couldn't believe his luck when they left together. Also he was a bit suspicious, something didn't seem right about this. Outside the Greek Theatre Jacqueline and Conrad strolled through the sweaty exhausted melee of happy punters. To get back to Pennys's house they caught a cab.
The house was deserted when they let themselves quietly in the front door. Jacqueline kissed Conrad gently in the corridor. Jacqueline was confused. As he was Magdas scam, she assumed Conrad was like "Dave". So Jacqueline didn't really want him there, however kissing him felt really nice and made her happy. Jacqueline dutifully decided to give Magda what she wanted. Because of this she didn't feel comfortable about having Conrad stay in her bedroom. Sitting out in the backyard under the full moon drinking coffee together was really pleasant. Jacqueline emitted a loud indescribable vocal explosion, suddenly she ran at full pelt into the house and locked herself into the bathroom. Nearly knocking herself out on the washbasin, Jacqueline collapsed sideways on the floor.
Laughing so loud about the stupid situation that she had just got herself into that even with a towel stuffed in her mouth she was scared he would hear. Like a manic puppet Jacqueline rolled around revelling in the happy pain of laughter. This is the best cack in ages she thought. Cautiously checking that Conrad hadn't left finding him in the kitchen looking perplexed. Now in efficient woman mode she led him confidentially to the lounge room couch. Jacqueline teased him and aroused him so he would have an over whelming need to have sex with her. I chose you for being as "interesting" as possible but I have to be sure. Look you're not gonna do anything kinky are you? She smiled quietly and insisted no. If you want me to fuck you madly just wait a few minutes.
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Conrad was no computer nerd, yet even he had no problems finding his way around the "net" He typed in "Cartoons American" and the first thing he came across was REN AND STIMPY! Conrad went all mushy because this was Pennys favourite cartoon! So he decided to look up New Zealand and came across the alternative facts on New Zealand page which sounded like it could of been written by Pennys family or friends. He looked for the Mc Gillycuddy dragon down the bottom. There was none and the authors had hidden their identity with colourful code names. Conrad noticed though that the document came from Otago University, so there might be a Mc Gillycuddy involvement afterall!
The "net" had Conrad hooked from the word go and he started to investigate how with no resources he might acquire a computer. Also he went to the video store and borrowed Ren and Stimpy tapes watching them gleefully wishing Penny was there with him. I wouldn't care about her smart critical comments now. Conrad ruefully thought, she could even pick the fruit from my bowl of muesli!
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In the loungeroom there was a short guy with an upfront attitude, cropped dark wavy hair and a pair of mirror sunglasses dangling from his front pocket. Eh I'm Spud was his friendly greeting. He had a squeaky voice and could of been Angry Anderson's younger brother or something. So you like Jacqueline do ya! I heard about what you got up to last night. Even though Spud was grinning good naturedly Conrad looked concearned.
I didn't know she had a boyfriend I wouldn't of touched her otherwise. Look Jacqueline and I are mates, not a couple o.k. It's just we were all interested in the sort of stuff that went down with you last night. Have you ever considered yourself as being just a bit poofter. Conrad cut in irritably, what the fuck would you know? Experience! I've been an actor for a long time. Alot of poofters are actors. It's the glamour and mystique which exerts a magnetic attraction over them. Like on the Bugs Bunny show when pepe le pew, he smells the perfume of the female skunk. Except for it's about men on men.
Jacqueline also has personal experience in this area. I hope you don't use the word lezzo. Spud and Jacqueline grinned smugly together. I bet he still uses the word lezzo! Is this some sort of set up? Nuh it's not a set up mate! A lanky tall bleach blonde man padded gently into the room. It's your new boyfriend! Spud and Jacqueline giggled like children. But "Dave" was serious.
Gathering dust in another corner of the wardrobe was a scrunched up brown paper bag. I'm still a girl who's prepared remarked Florence Nightingale with satisfaction. She returned to her friends carrying her dusty hit kit, and a tiny Indian pill box. Florence Nightingale nuzzled close to Spud. Patrice asked about the pill box. Her experience was limited. She had occasionally seen dealers keep microdots in them, but for that even it looked far too small. The others were puzzled but "Dave" was grinning quietly. She's gonna give us pure. He hadthis way of speaking like a cat purr.
Florence Nightingale liked him when he was in this gooder mood and she loved watching him mull and shoot. He had the balleic finesse of Nureyov at this. So she handed everything over to him. He gently skillfully removed the tiny silver lid. Looked appreciatively at the chalky white powder. It was trapped in the silver parabola of the boxes interior. Pure he whispered. China white, Florence Nightingale quietly replied. Two good hits each then, he gently and respectfully put the box down. "Dave" foraged around in Florence Nightingales hit kit. He pulled a very interesting looking spoon out of the bag with a theatrical demenour. Whats this he grinned. It was a unusual plastic spoon perfect for mulling up. Shining baby blue coulor with a handle that had been moulded in a gracefully bent curve. Desighned to be impossible to knock over unless deliberatly tipped. I got those from work. We give them to arthritis patients to take their medicine from. Thats right you're a nurse. I reckon they should have these up at the needle exchange. Spud and I might take one up tomorrow. "Dave" marvelled at the new spoon, then tipped in the China white. It collected perfectly in the bowl.
He handed Spud the pill box. Taste this Mr Smith! The dust on Spud little finger was stronger and more bitter than anything he had experianced. Florence Nightingale watched entranced at "Dave" mulling away. The gentle pop of the plunger being detatched. "Dave" stirring the mix with the white plastic end to keep the plunger clean of any microscopic debris. Drawing up the doses with faultless method and graceful skill. Then the moment. She hadn't seen him do this for a long time.
Clenched fist and straightened arm. First "Dave" methodically checked the skin. His fit was delicatly poised between his lips in much the same way as a bolero dancer might hold a rose. Gently he took it in his hand and flicked it back. The spike entered his vein. A tiny plume of blood rose. Slowly he jacked in, jacked back and jacked all the way. The spike came out and he rubbed the spot with a spit soaked finger. Then the sigh a kind of deep throated but gentle belly vote of fufillment. After which he looked up and grinned. Florence Nightingale giggled, it was all so beautiful.
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This was Patrices suburb. Her house was a kooky two story place in a leafy old street. It was reminiscent of a scaled down version of the Bates house from the Alfred Hitchcock movie Pscyco. Spud went in the back gate and through the flywire door, up the creaky steps that led to the tower room. Patrice had the best view a 360 degree panorama of Melbourne. She had a turret too. On a fine day she could climb up there and sunbake and at night look at the stars through a telescope. Spud expected to find Patrice alone. It suprised him that the buzz of the sewing machine was absent. Damm...I can't suprise her. She was there crying gently in the corner. Spud went to her and comforted her. It's the Smashing Pumpkins they're breaking up. Tickets have sold out and I'm never going to get to see them.
Just then a face popped out of the stairwell, it was Jacqueline. What the fuck are you doing here! She called sarcastically. I got this all for Patrice and you are not having any. She flourished the deal with a flouncing theatricalness. It was a foil of a particular sort of Roumanian smack. Look why don't you just piss off this is a "women's house" today. Jacqueline fumbled with the foil and dumped the contents onto a big stainless steel desert spoon. She crumpled up the wrapper and threw it away. With unobtrusive sleight of hand Spud slipped it into his pocket. I wouldn't use that all at once it's very strong gear. How would you know? You don't know who I got it off! Spud quietly replied but I know the source. Bullshit you're not that big. Infact you're quite short, she smiled pleasurably at her sarcasm. Patrice don't have it all, otherwise you'll drop! No I won't. Jacqueline knows what she's doing. Patrice asserted this hesitantly. The Asian kid at the Footscray markets said it was a good deal added Jacqueline! Magdas voice wafted over from the steps. Listen to Spud chipped in. No mate, Jacqueline and Conrad are a dinky die couple now and I'm taking
Spud took over.
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Why guys? Do you want me to marry him or something! Would you shoot up less speed if you were commited? Yeah, I guess I would. Look I've got a suggestion Spud smiled. It could make some people including you happy. One side benifit would be we would take you to the Smashing Pumpkins with us. You want to take Conrad as well? Don't you. Which means you probably want me to go with him properly? I'm also trying to help "Dave". Spud laughed! "Dave" is more in love with Conrad than anything I've ever seen. Well that's a problem 'cos poncy woos that Conrad is he's not a homo. I want to diffuse the situation before my mate gets in a potential trouble situation with the law again. I don't want "Dave" to go to jail. He's got so many problems that he wouldn't cope and I along with everyone else would miss him too much anyway.
Hmm. said Jacqueline. Well I suppose I could commit. To be commited something special would need to happen. Like a party. Yep and then we could go to the Smashing Pumpkins together, that would be pretty perfect. O.K then. Do you really think speed is changing me, she asked the others curiously? Jacqueline and Spud both had a tiny second hit of Patrices gear. Floated out of the house and down the back laneway. Spud thumped the column shift of his old blue Holden Belmont into first. Slowly the car putted out of Kensington and through the sunny backstreets of Yarraville to Spotswood. This was "Dave"s turf.
"Dave" lived in an amazing house. It was a huge single story bluestone palace on a third of acre. It was probably the district farmhouse one hundred and fifty years ago. His bungalow used to be the second kitchen and still had a sink inbuilt. "Dave" could come and go as he pleased, without his housemates being aware, which suited him. His room was low set, a futon, a stereo, shelves made from bricks and old boards of Baltic pine. The bluestone walls were covered in beautiful silk sarongs. There was a candelarbra in one corner and some band posters on the walls. A mega poster of Robert Plant and Conrad Page and smaller ones of Allen Ginsberg, Mick Jagger and Che Guvarra. More recently, stuck up by the sink was a picture of Jarvis Cocker from Pulp, that had been neatly clipped out of N.M.E.
Smashing Pumpkins were quietly playing on his stereo. A tiny cut out picture of Billy Cogan looked across from the front of the sink cupboard. Lying sprawled like a lazy cat "Dave" was writing a letter to someone on his futon and it seemed as though he might of been crying. He looked up. Seeing his mate Spud gave him great pleasure, though he frowned when he saw the company he was with. This is a lesbian free zone so piss off! He added as an after thought it's a Jacqueline free zone too! With a self assured smile Jacqueline sat down next to "Dave".
I've come to talk to you about my boyfriend. Thats not right, said "Dave". He's actuly my half brother and I WANT HIM TO BE MY GAY BROTHER! Since Conrad was seven I've been trying to "go" with him. Conrad was only in primary school then but he had already had girlfriend who "just happened" to be from an Irish family too! "Dave" spat out the word girlfriend and sneered at the word Irish with the bitterest of jelously. I'm not going to give up yet! Particuarly since Magda got to have a gay relationship with our half sister Patrice from that same time onwards! Patrice isn't "uptight" like Conrad she let Madgda "molest" her reguarly when she was younger, and theyre quite happy in each others company now! I had to get "uptight' Conrad, he moaned "Dave" resentfully. "Dave" then reminded Jacqueline bitterly, that she was badly in the way of what was "rightfully" his.. I know you're just stringing him along until something better turns up! Please pleaded "Dave", Conrad was born for me I know it! Can't you try and stop interfering with my life as far as Conrad is concearned! Unlike the rest of us he doesn't know he's adopted so its still uncomplicated. Damm all I have to do is seduce him, shouted "Dave", it all should of happened twenty years ago just like Magda and Patrice! A tear ran down "Dave"s cheek despite the fact that he was heavily stoned.
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She had found someone simpler and more manipulable than Conrad. If she was going to commit with a boy she wanted power. Jacqueline had discovered she could have even more power over "Dave" than over Conrad!! Conrad boarded the train to Upfeild with some trepidation. He sat in the front carrige in the hope that if there was trouble the driver would protect him. It was a busy train, full of Westies, Northies and Conrad. In his cowboy boots, leather trousers, jerkin, studded jacket and big leather hat he stood out. But he looked like enough of a freak that nobody bothered him. Gratefully Conrad slipped into a taxi at Upfeild station.Patrice and Magda were furious. Where is Conrad he's ment to be here! Oh, you poor dear you poor darling. Jacqueline felt the same way. Despite having decided she wanted "Dave" she still wanted Conrad to want her.
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Conrad stunned Jacqueline and started to socialise with her friends. There was a cat loving Gothic who liked Conrads poems, she had seen him perform a number of times at the Punters Club and was impressed. Conrad failed Jaqueline test. Moving in for a friendly chat, things quickly went on the boil with Conrad and the cat girl. The cat girl was a mini sized tomboy. Dressed to kill in lepoardskin tights, spandex gold top, and a black fur coat. She talked to Conrad about how they had been minxes together in a past life. The cat girl pawed Conrad absent- mindedly. With blatant passionate fury she suddenly began both pashing him and pushing him into the laundry. Come to me my lover she purred as the door clicked shut.
Jacqueline stood there her disbelief turning to cold fury. He really has scorned her, I don't believe it, Magda repeated this over and over again under her breath. She went and grabbed "Dave" by the shoulder and pushed him into the kitchen. I was wrong about that Conrad he is gay! "Dave"'s eyes lit up with faint hope. Do you think he really might be? Yep! You are a better boy than we thought you were. Jacqueline might be taking you to the Smashing Pumpkins now. But Jacqueline looked uncertain. But "Dave" clinched the deal. Do you wanna get stoned with me again.
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All was quiet in the bathroom. A "periscope" stuck out of the suds. Jacqueline was flicking it. If only Conrad had "responded" like you. She wrapped her legs around his neck, quietly "Dave" went down on her for a very long time. The following week Spud, Florence Nightingale, Patrice and Magda along with "Dave" and Jacqueline went to the last Australian Smashing Pumpkins concert before the band broke up.
Meanwhile "Cat Girl" pulled up outside Conrads house. She stopped for a minute and measured the moment. Conrad suffered from the seeming uncertainty and "cat Girl" enjoyed this. Well you could ask me in for a cup of coffee, she eventually said. Then she giggled flightily till the tension she had caused passed. Conrad got out of the car and "Cat Girl" just sat there. Aren't you going to open the door for me, she said with another flighty giggle. Conrad hurriedly obliged and followed her at a respectful pace as she made a beeline for his front door.
OOhhh this is nice! said "Cat Girl" and snuggled down in the largest most comfortable armchair. You can join me if you like! AFTER YOU'VE MADE THE COFFEE, she smirked. Just kidding, laughed "Cat Girl" come and join me right away! They began to kiss again in the big soft armchair. We could have sex in every room in the house! said "Cat Girl" brightly. Um I suppose so, replied Conrad cautiously. Come on, said "Cat Girl" there's no one else home! Uh alright, Conrad replied.
She led Conrad by his hand to his hosemates bedroom and they cautiously opened the door. The bed was a mess. Good, said "Cat Girl" then he won't know. She stood on the bed and slowly slipped her tights down to her hips. Conrad cautiously unbuttoned his leather trousers. Come on "babe" do it to me said "Cat girl" in her most lascivious voice. She quickly lay on the bed and kicked her legs back. Manfully Conrad got on top and started "doing it" for her. Gotta "hold back" Conrad, said "Cat Girl" and she hurriedly led him into his next Housmates bedroom. Hmmm this beds too neat, have to use the floor. She quickly slipped her tights back down and lay back and Conrad started again. They were really enjoying them selves, this was all really "naughty". Gotta stop again Conrad don't loose control on me babe, said "Cat Girl" Are there any more bedrooms other than yours Conrad? No, he replied. Well there must be other rooms then. Conrad led her cautiously into the bathroom. "Cat Girl" arranged Conrad on the toilet and had sex with him for a couple of minutes. It was the best fun Conrad had ever had as far as this sort of stuff was concearned!
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Well, demanded Penny has the cat got your tounge or something, she got up to walk away. Suddenly Conrads brain clicked another cog and he impul sively asked her about Andre. He's left me to study engineering at the Australian Defence Forces academy! said Penny sadly, and he's GIVEN UP THE GUITAR! Just beacause he's turned 40 and hasn't any had major sucess thats no excuse for giving up something as wonderful as the guitar. Andre is such a cool guitarist said Penny sadly. I could easily forgive him for not being Celtic because he's such a cool guitarist. I'm virtually married to a guy who suddenly becomes an army engineer.
Penny was still very unhappy to see Conrad. What about you mister, she demanded of her ex, have you decided to become an engineer as well! I hear they are still taking applications at the DEFENCE FORCES ACADEMY! Conrad ended up aplogising for himself, no actully I've decided to become a writer and I've been getting into the internet. Oh, said Penny. Well then why are you here, asked Penny. Are you a "trekkie" she sarcasticly enquired. Conrad apologised for himself again. I think this conven tions really funny, I'm sorry Penny. Then much to Conrads surprise Penny softened slightly towards him. Her speech was quieter and there was much less anger in it. I came here to cheer myself up Star Trek and Doctor Who conventions are always good for a laugh! God, I need something entertaining to get me away from Anre! A bloody army engineer I still can't believe it!
I'm going back to New Zealand next week for a while at least until "his majesty" sorts out that simple brained "male mind"of his. Andre can do without me for a while because cousin Mavis needs me and she's more important. Whats the matter, asked Conrad who was suddenly full of concearn. You like my cousin Mavis observed Penny, even though you never got to meet her. Father was a bit autocratic. Mavis and you would of got on well too. She's o.k. fine infact. But she's been given a huge task which is going to be most difficult for her to do alone. What is it , asked the mystified Conrad? Mc Gillycuddy Serious party headquar ters want a very very important mural painted, Penny most mysteriously whispered. One that only two Mc Gillycuddy cousins working better than the best of their ability might be able to produce. Conrads eyes lit up with enthusiasam! Piranahs and Dragons? Not quite, said Penny, who glowed with awesomeness at what she was about to say. Conrad was all ears!
Previous books by Sionainn Fionn are a history booklet on the Gothic Alternative scene in Mel bourne (1978 to 1995) It is still available from Moonlight Publishing for five Australian dollars inc P and P. Moonlight Publishing publish about 30 titles on Australian Music and will provide a list of titles. Snail mail adress at P.O. Box 5 Golden Square 3555 Australia. "Grungy" was a fiction novel on the alternative scene in Melbourne and is now out of print.
An
HISTORICAL ANTHOLOGY
and
DARK WAVE MUSIC
in
Melbourne 1978-present
by
Michael Finn
At present Sionainn Fionn can be contacted by "snail mail" Sionainn advises........I'll be on holidays till later in 1996 spending time in Sydney and then Tropical North Queensland! writing and do art in a inspirational environment! If you want to get in contact with me, please email fionn@vicnet.net.au. I would love to hear in particular from other New Zealanders involved in the arts with current information, its been five years since and I expect to come back over soon. Contemporary Celts with ideas and attitude! who don't just want to live like their ninth century ancestors in a stone roundhouse! Others interested in the themes I work with, believe me I don't know nearly as many like minded creative persons as I would like to.
All text and photographs and backgrounds copyright Sionainn Fionn 1996 (except photo of Judith Lucy which is from Beat Magazine)
New work from Sionainn Fionn........................
CHOCAHOLIC
by
Shannon Finn
Synopsis
Chocaholic is a languid, sensual exploration of the world of the chocolate eater. Chocaholic looks at emotional priority's and frustration's and the desire to travel. Chocaholic is also about athletic ability and if it something you should come back to later in life after a certain amount of hedonistic indulgence.
Una and Terise are two sisters whom have a close relationship and Jeremy is Unas friend but not Terises. The two sisters go to a play together, there Terise realises she is in need and seeks the companionship of another woman Corrine, who is recently arrived from New Zealand. However Terise is frustrated because Corrine avoids her efforts to turn the friendship into "something more".
Una visits Jeremys new place, a bungalow and he is not home. She comes across his dairies and can't help herself and Una starts to learn some close secrets of her male friend. Una gets so addicted to the dairies she starts to deliberately visit Jeremy during his absences to find out more. Una also discovers one reason why Corrine is unavailable to her sister, because she is dating with Jeremy! In the process of secretly reading the dairies Una makes friends with Jeremys landlady, a mysterious Russian who keeps pure bred Borzoi hounds. Suddenly Jeremy and Corrine travel around Australia and plan to return to New Zealand together. During which time Una and Jeremy stay in touch.
Terise is trying to get her sister to take up psychoanalysis again. Una is just sad as she sits at home watching the swimming races of the Olympic games. Una was once a member of the state swimming squad however chose colored popcorn, chocolate and an inner city lifestyle over early morning practice sessions. Suprisingly through the letters of her friend Jeremy whom suggests information on the Internet some possibilities arise which Una would not have otherwise considered. Terise and Una take a chance and follow the couple for a summer holiday in New Zealand!
CHAPTERS
1. P is for Peppermint
I'm just on the phone to Jeremy! Una was breathless, as she ushered her sister Terise into the flat. Una dived back into the phone bean bag. It's polystyrene innards rustled invitingly and the corduroy cover was still warm. Una curled up like a cat and picked up the receiver which she cradled gently to her ear. Meanwhile in the kitchen Terise was boiling the kettle. She was fascinated by the way the steam from the boiling kettle frosted up the kitchen window, slowly blocking out her shimmering reflection.
Jeremy that was just my sister, and she's just in the kitchen making us both hot milo. So I will have to go soon but first I want to hear that story you have been promising to tell me. The one about the peppermint creme. Jeremy sounded concerned. THE PEPPERMINT CREME by now I would of hoped that you would of forgotten that I mentioned it. I want you to tell me PLEASE! Well she wanted me to do it to her, muttered Jeremy apologetically. Jeremy then paused.....alright Una I'll tell you about what took place. He thought for a minute... I'll start another way. Una do you know of a book called the A-Z of love and sex? A feminine giggle exploded back at him down the crackly phone line. Is that some sort sort of encyclopedia of the erotic arts, was Unas mirthful retort. Jeremy was relieved and a bit shameful.. Yes, he quickly muttered. there was a pause because Una was waiting to hear Jeremys story.
Una, said Jeremy H-was for Honey and at that particular moment my girlfriend had no honey so Lisa (that was my girlfriends name) had another idea. Suddenly, Jeremy winged look I don't think I can go on Una, is that O.K.? Tell me, purred Una, oh tell me? Uh, alright, said Jeremy. We had just met in the city that day and Lisa loved chocolate. When together we would regularly consume the best chocolate money could buy. Peppermint cremes were our favorite and that day we had an appetite for them. However our eyes were often just a bit bigger than our stomachs. later we went back to her flat to catch the Simpsons, our favorite cartoon show. One thing led to another and fairly soon we were in the bedroom. she was looking at that book I've just mentioned and suddenly she was half naked in the kitchen frantically searching for honey. She found our half eaten bag of peppermint cremes, best quality, from Haighs in Collins street. Improvising, that's the way Lisa decided to go.
Salacious sounding words from Una disturbed the rhythm of Jeremys story telling. Una asked cattily, just how did she improvise? Do you really want to hear, replied Jeremy cautiously. Yes, Una gently replied. Lisa slipped a peppermint creme down her underpants! A nearly choking Una somehow managed to remain silent. Then Una couldn't help herself. Why? she quietly asked of Jeremy, was it for an erotic treat? Well yes, was Jeremys cautious reply. What asked Una who was desperately trying to hide her fascination. she didn't want Jeremy to feel uncomfortable and to not continue to tell her.
He took a deep breath and continued. Well we turned out the light and started to you know one thing led to another and all of that. To begin with Lisa turned around in bed and lit a candle. She lit a candle. Una softly gasped. Why did she do that Jeremy, can I ask? Yes, you can. is this going to be a thing to do with candle wax, Una gentle queried. Pregnant Pause! No that's not so, Una. Well, tell me then, Jeremy. Lisa had set the candle upright on the bedside table.! OOOhh! Una purred. After which she handed me the A-Z of Sex and Love. That's your encyclopedia of erotic arts, isn't it? Yep, Una that's right. Jeremy, what page did she open it on, was it specific or was it random?
The page she opened it on was the one they recommended after honey. Which one was that Jeremy? It was the O-page that Lisa opened in the encyclopedia. the O-page? Yep, the O-page! Oh my god would that be anything to do with.......shhh.......don't say it. Jeremy, uh, o.k will you continue though. Alright, Una. Well carefully and gently Lisa and I read the A-Z of Sex and Love and the instructions it contained of what we had to do. The encyclopedia of erotic arts! Una reminded him quietly, then what happened. Lisa blew the candle out and we went back to bed.
Being in the dark and all that after a while we did want to kiss each other, so that started to happen. things did get hot after that. Now it's time for it said Lisa who had reached under the covers and gently taken her underwear down. Lisa gently started striking my hair. She pushed my head slowly under the doona and I took a deep breath. Then what, asked Una. Jeremy blushed, it was perceptible over the phone. Well I gently began to lick the place where the peppermint creme was. Una then asked Jeremy what it was like. Chocolate , which I liked because the thought of what I was doing had no appeal for me at all. Jeremy, why, that is a major turn on for all the boys I know. Well, I think its gross Una. OK, OK what happened. There was a change of flavour Una.
Wow Jeremy, that's just like the meal in a gum which Violet Beauregarde chews in Roald Dahls novel Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Maybe! anyway it became peppermint after I'd been licking for some time. Did Lisa like what you were doing for her. Jeremy's grin was perceptible over the phone. You want to hear the gory details do you? He was teasing Una slightly. Una made the very proper reply which was, only if you want to tell me of course!
Well I put my face down there and it was still you know. And, Interjected Una. well Lisa started to move quite strongly which pleased me because it certainly seemed to be almost over. However it wasn't. Una asked Jeremy, what do you mean? he replied mysteriously, Una she began to move a bit too strongly. really! Thoughts ran through Unas head really quickly. had Lisa had a heart attack or possibly a stroke. A wave of sympathy for Jeremy welled up inside her. then Lisa sat up! Una bit her lip in anticipation of the unknown outcome.
Lisa hissed at me, get it out quickly because it's stinging, Oh I wish I'd been patient and waited until we'd had some honey. What happened jeremy? Urgently I removed what was left of the peppermint creme. Lisa was quite distressed and she was hobbling hand over crotch into the bathroom. Jeremy said Una, you soaked her some warm flannels so she could get relief from the burning, right? There was a silence from Jeremy.
Jeremy, you didn't stay in the bathroom while she was washing herself. Unless invited, you wouldn't be welcome! No Una I didn't do that because that's something which would freak me out even more than it would freak out Lisa. Una I ate the chocolate peppermint creme. While she was furiously washing in the bathroom, I was sitting in the warm bedroom licking my peppermint creme fingers. then Una I knew. What she quietly asked. THAT CHOCOLATE COULD BE A PROBLEM FOR ME. I missed out on having a shower with her that night. I never got another chance because she dropped me soon after.
Quietly Lisa told me what a bastard I was. To busy Jeremy, with licking your chocolaty fingers to see to my possible injury's, I'm going to go now and I'm not sure if I ever want to speak to you again, let alone see you. Quietly Una had a little laugh to herself because she thought it was so funny the way Jeremy got himself into looserish situations and was then so frank about it. Una had thought this before, Jeremy should go out with Judith Lucy! The comedienne from the D-generation, he was just like her.
Then Una got distracted by her sister Terise. Terise was crinkling a cellophane packet. Gotta go Jeremy Una said in a quick breathy voice. Terise is here and we have to do something which is very important! Jeremy sounded disappointed and tried to convince Una to continue the conversation. Una I've found a new place yesterday which I'll be moving into next week. it's really great wouldn't you like to hear about it. For an instant Una was torn until she thought of a solution. Jeremy send me a pretty letter, telling me all about your new place, will you please! Una asked in her most charming manner. Uh, alright said Jeremy. Una sweetly replied good and gently replaced the receiver. Una turned around and smiled at her sister who sat down next to her.
Oh Terise, said Una, have you started already. You've opened the packet you bitch! you know I love to do that. Terise grinned cheekily at her sister. Well go on Una and open it! Alright I suppose I will, Una moaned. she absent mindedly opened the packet and let out a shriek of pure ecstasy. Una sighed passionately, shit sis, there's three different kinds. Terise had neatly arranged them from beige through to black. I GOT THE IDEA FROM LINDOR BALLS, said Terise excitedly. You know how they pack three different varieties in the big red packet. Well today at Safeway I bought caramel, milk and dark. fro which I CONSTRUCTED MY SISTER A TIM TAM SURPRISE PACKET. Suddenly Una and Terise glowed simultaneously as if a pair of light bulbs had both been switched on from the same switch!
So would you like to do it sis? Terise asked of Una? uh, alright, her sister compliantly replied. Terise handed a steaming cupful to Una who was already prepared. SHE DIPPED AND SUCKED and quickly SLAMMED it into her mouth! it EXPLODED within her and she was FILLED by a sense of pure bliss. TIM TAM SLAMMING IS THE BEST. Her bug eyed joyous faced sister agreed. they both savoured the last delicious remains! Terise looked at her sister contented as a cat and then spoke. sis there's something else I have to tell you. What? Well because I caught the earlier train I stopped off at the Clifton Hill video shop. What did you get for us to watch sis? Terise smiled with pleasure at the reply which she was about to give. THE YEAR MY VOICE BROKE! Una glowed like a hot bar heater! Oh sis you're amazing enthused Una, that is such a difficult video to get. NOAH TAYLOR MY FAVOURITE MAN. Terise added to the chorus, plus Loene Carmen my favourite woman!
Terise drew the video out of her patchwork backpack. She put the cassette into Unas video player and picked up the remote control, which she handed to her sister. Una patiently waited for her sister Terise to get comfortable. She then pressed the on button of the remote control. Both sisters wiggled themselves more closely and comfortably into their beanbags. There he is, whispered Una in breathy admiration. She felt a warm glow spread outwards from her soul for Noah Taylor!
Terise for her part was more discrete. Peacefully she lay on the beanbag in her sisters loungeroom. She was drinking in the presence of Loene Carmen with unbridled joy. Oh if only my name was Ben Mendohlson she thought ruefully. This was the name of Loene Carmen's boyfriend with whom she had a child. Terise would of gladly had a child with her Loene. By the end of The Year My Voice Broke the girls were sobbing into their empty box of Tim Tams! Oh I wish I'd bought some more because there is a second video in my backpack.
Let me guess, said Una with catty humour. Its Flirting, isn't it? ( this is the sequel to the Year My Voice Broke. Terise lets take a break, suggested Una. We can take a walk down to the corner shop. Uh, o k said Terise. The two sisters stood up and made their way to the front door. In the hall they slipped on their coats and hats. Terise and Una together under the warmth of a milky moon walked down to the corner store.
Shit! I have never seen anything like it, murmured Terise. She fingered tentatively at the opulent purple and gold wrapper. The lumpy texture was definitely at odds with the teflon smooth sheen of the wrapping. Wicked, breathed Terise, yep Una this is definitely wicked. Have you tried it yet, sis? Una looked at her sister while smiling and then she gently shook her head. I would like to of but today is my vegan day. Una followed a strict vegan diet for one day of the week because she believed this helped to keep her system clean. Terise bolted over to the counter and happily handed over the money for the new bar of chocolate, a rich purple coloured five dollar note. Terise pocketed the change and Una and Terise were out of there.