E-Male Vol. 1

By: Jon Burks, father to "Jr. E-Males" Austin (37 wks; 2 yrs) and Eric (28 wks; 9 mos GA; 6.5 mos corr)

That's not a typo up there. E-Male is the father's column of this newsletter, and is intended to provide a uniquely male perspective on the preemie experience. The problem is, how do you define the male perspective (one part beer, one part remote control, two parts power tool, and a dash of emotional cluelessness)? Your humble author (if you knew me better, you'd see the humor in that comment) has a particular disdain for gross generalizations, so why would I propose such a column? Truth be told, it was originally a testosterone addled reaction to the female slant that many posts on Preemie-L tend to take.

I recognize that Preemie-L is first and foremost a means of disseminating information and providing support to parents of preemies. And I think that it does a wonderful job. But as a male, I occasionally find my eyes glazing over after reading another post on inability to lose post-pregnancy weight or what herbs to eat to stimulate milk production, or heaven forbid, another Cyber-Baby Shower! Of course breastfeeding is of interest to most men, but not in a way that can be discussed in a family newsletter. And then there were the basic linguistic disconnects. I never could figure out why so many women seemed so angry talking about their DHs, which I took to mean designated hitters? (Must be National League fans) I felt somewhat less confused when I realized that these women were talking about their parenting partners and the H stood for husband. I later came to find that the D in DH frequently stood not for darling, dashing, delightful or debonair, but for another D word more closely associated with beavers and hydroelectric power. Well, my reaction to the largely femicentric nature of Preemie-L got me wondering what sorts of things a male looks for from Preemie-L (e.g., ballscores, home improvement tips, investment advice).

This type of navel gazing, discussing the basic differences between men and women, seems to be all the rage these days. Dr. John Gray has turned his "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" shtick into a veritable cottage industry. Rob Becker's one-man stage show "Defending the Caveman" tours the US playing to critical acclaim and SRO audiences. And Preemie-L seems to be a fairly "target rich environment" (that's a pretty typical male expression) for this sort of musing. Thus, the birth of E-male (FT, but clearly half-baked).

I intend for this column to provide the father's viewpoint of preemie parenting, either through personal anecdotes or via well researched articles citing credible scientific studies (i.e., made up facts that appear to support my questionable positions). The type of topics I hope to address are bonding with your preemie; ways to provide support for your preemie's mother, how to feed, change and get your preemie back to sleep during half-time; how young is too young to change the oil in the car... you know, guy stuff.

Above all, I hope to make this column fun. Admittedly, being a preemie parent isn't always a bowl of cherries, and there are some very serious issues involved that don't necessarily lend themselves to a humorous treatment. But we mustn't lose sight of the fact that the focus of this whole experience is on our children. Ultimately, they are nothing if not an incredible source of joy. If I can make you laugh one fraction as much as my kids make me laugh, I'll have succeeded admirably.