Dealings
Parenting Multiple Preemies...Oh Baby, Oh Baby, (Oh Baby, etc.)

By: Mara Tesler Stein, Psy.D. and Deborah L. Davis, Ph.D.

Once they come home, the "normal" exhaustion that comes with having multiples (like, you could theoretically have a baby awake at all times...) is compounded by having extremely small, often irritable, medically needy babies. So, in addition to trying to keep track of who was fed when and how much and counting wet/dirty diapers, you may also be juggling numerous medications, dosages and schedules, untangling apnea monitor alarms, wires, and electrodes, dealing with various pieces of oxygen equipment, supplementation needs, and so forth. Juggling all those supplies, and being so tired and overwhelmed, it can be hard to find, much less keep track of the babies. And if (when) there are mix-ups, you’ll be making embarrassing calls to the NICU.

There are losses after homecoming, too. You may have looked forward to bedding your babies together, only to discover that with all the O2 tubing and the apnea monitor wires, you keep getting lines crossed. You may end up separating them to make things safer and easier. Breast-feeding may not be the idyllic scene you pictured for so long. If you are dealing with medically fragile or multiply disabled babies, you may find yourself thinking, "This is not what I was wishing for." But this is what you got. You can love your kids, but hate your life. If this is true for you, rather than hiding from this truth, it can help to face it and name it. This can enable you to deal with it and eventually move on with the realization that "normal" is simply what you do everyday.

Mara Tesler Stein, Psy.D. is a clinical psychologist in private practice. Mara lives in Chicago with her husband and twin daughters (born at 30 weeks gestation).
Deborah L. Davis, Ph.D. is a developmental psychologist and author of Empty Cradle, Broken Heart (Fulcrum, 1991;1996). Debbie lives in Denver with her husband, daughter, and 3 kitties.

They both specialize in perinatal & neonatal crisis and adjustment, parent education and child development. They are currently writing a book, The Emotional Journey of Parenting Your Premature Baby: A Book of Hope and Healing.