Topics of Discussion
When did you announce their arrival?

wisdom from the Preemie-l e-mail group           http://www.preemie-l.org

Deana asks, "I gave birth to twin boys on July 31st, Bryce Andrew ( 1 lb 3 oz) and Brett Anthony (1 lb 4 oz) born at 26 weeks. So far both have been having pretty stable nights. To me that’s amazing because I was told they would probably not survive, but it has been 10 days and they are still fighting strong. Bryce has even opened his eyes and looks around.
I’ve been very weary of buying anything, but my husband has went out and purchased all sorts of things. I feel that is his way of coping. I can’t bring myself to get to excited yet because I know they are not out of the woods yet.
I really don’t know what to do and how to respond when it comes to putting up "It’s a boy" signs and putting their birth announcements in the paper. They are here whether they make it later or not, but I hate to keep waiting and waiting until they are no longer critical before I tell people I’ve had them. What should I do, all suggestions are welcomed."

Michelle answers, "We did as you are. We waited until they had been out of the woods for a while, which for us turned out to be at Christmas time and sent out their announcements as our Christmas cards (we got them out of the "More than One" catalog). As far as buying things, my husband was more cautious then I was, but we both waited until right before they came home - they came home one at a time."

Ginny relates, "I understand your reticence about announcing the birth of your sons, and I’d say follow you heart, not your fear. I’ve never bothered with formal birth announcements, but when Zak arrived the first ‘congratulations’ card we received shocked me; I thought, ‘Yes! he is here!!’- it was though I was being given permission to celebrate! One of my sisters even sent me a card with a picture of a mum sat up in bed holding her newborn. My eyes started leaking, I felt so far removed from this; but then I realized it really was just a sign that my sister was just being glad about Zak, regardless of the circumstances- she didn’t see the need to tiptoe around his arrival, so why should I! We received so many cards, which I kept on display in the house during the hospital weeks, they really helped me. My father and neighbor both got cards to send, but told me they weren’t sure when to do so- we reassured them that they would be very welcome, by this stage Zak was so much a part of everything NOW that not to be glad felt strange!"

Sandy shares "Personally, I feel their birth is worth celebrating. They were born, just the same as any old full-termer! The deserve to be acknowledged that they have arrived in the world! And they are alive. Their precious lives need to be celebrated too, no matter how long or how short those lives are. Sometimes I even thought that *if this short time is all the life my baby gets, then even more so, I want to make the most of it!*"

Amy advises, "My daughter Sivan was born 3/24/99 - 9 1/2 wks early - and is still in the hospital (various health/insurance problems). We did put an announcement in the paper and my husband put "it’s a girl" sign on the lawn the day she was born - the biggest sign you can imagine!!
We were told 2x’s that she was going to come home so we ran out to buy all the things we didn’t have yet. Now, they are just sitting around collecting dust. We did not decorate the nursery until after she was born - my husband insisted we do this the day I came home from the hospital. Now, the nursery sits empty and some days it’s painful to go in there so we keep the door closed. We told everyone about Sivan but at times it was hard to hear "Congrats" when nothing about this situation was normal. I have a baby book and have not been able to write anything in it. We’ve received some gifts but I think most people are waiting until Sivan comes home.
I think people use different coping skills so there is no one right way. My husband needed to buy things and set up things. I, on the other hand, would have been happy not doing anything until I knew a definite date that my daughter was coming home. I think you should do what you feel you can handle. I know it’s hard to acknowledge the birth of your sons when all the uncertainty is going on but no matter what, they are here and you can allow yourself to let in a little ray of happiness. That was really hard for me to do and I couldn’t for a long time."

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