Problem Situations
Just as an ordinary room can be an obstacle course to a blind person, so can the everyday world be full of hazards for a premature parent - hazards that do not exist for women with full-term babies and children. Many times friends and family members do not understand the “mine-field” that exists for preemie parents in the outside world, each and every day. When they don’t understand this “warzone”, they cannot empathize with the parents’ suffering.

The following list is a guide to better understand why a preemie parent may avoid certain situations. It can also help to explain some of the reactive behavior a parent may exhibit when they encounter one of these hazards. You might see the parent respond to these types of encounters with behavior such as anger, pain, fear, distress, sorrow or depression. Or you might notice the parent seems “out of it” for a few days or weeks following the experience. This is normal and to be expected.

Some of the common obstacles that can cause increased pain and suffering in a preemie parent:
*  seeing mothers with their new babies  or seeing a breastfeeding mother
*  watching parents take home their newborns
*  catching view of a very pregnant woman or being around pregnant women
*  visiting the obstetrician's office for an appointment or visiting doctors’ offices
*  hearing another's birth story or complaints about late pregnancy
*  seeing babies at the store, passing them in cars, watching them stroll down the block or play at a park (when the parent’s baby is still in the NICU or home isolated)
*  hearing news of a friend's pregnancy, especially one near her preemie’s original due date
*  passing by a childbirth class
*  attending showers or a bris
*  family gatherings, where babies and children are present
*  visiting the hospital or NICU where the baby stayed or NICU reunions
*  watching TV with baby commercials and programs that show pregnant women, birth, and newborns
*  receiving and reading parenting magazines, especially articles discussing the final trimester, delivery, preparing for birth, or “normal” growth and development
*  reading parenting books that fail to address preemies, or address them inappropriately
*  mothers’ discussions about deliveries or the early months
*  attending a playgroup where the children are of similar or younger age
*  visiting places frequented by young children - Walmart, grocery stores, fast food restaurants
*  attending scrapbooking classes, where photos are shared and compared
*  attending children’s programs, such as Gymboree or swimming lessons, where children are grouped by developmental skills, as well as age
*  attending birthday parties, especially first birthdays
*  visiting parks and playgrounds, especially when the child is smaller and possibly delayed