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Coping with your feelings about other pregnant women after the birth of your premature baby

Discuss your feelings with her and explore ways for both of you to be comfortable for the duration of her pregnancy. For instance, you might explain why you find it difficult to attend her shower and choose not to; or why you find it difficult to answer questions about your pregnancy.

If she is someone close to you, make it a shared effort. If it is someone with whom you can limit contact, perhaps simply keep your interactions brief.

Consider deciding to share your experience as a legitimate and important one -- many pregnancies end in preterm birth. Share your original belief that you would carry to term, and how you have had to cope with the sudden and unexpected nature of preterm delivery.

Consider showing her this article.

Realize that no matter how much you explain, "she" may not fully understand, and might feel hurt or angry. This is not your responsibility.

Allow yourself to find points in common with other pregnant women. No matter how difficult your pregnancy, or how early your delivery, you may still find common thoughts, feelings and experiences (such as morning sickness, recovery from childbirth or adjustment to parenthood) with other women.

Seek out others who share your experience with preterm birth. Know that there are others out there who feel as you do. You can find other parents of preemies by asking your unit social worker about parent-to-parent groups in the hospital or community; accessing the internet or investigating parent-support groups at clinics in your neighborhood.

Someday, you will likely be able to talk normally with pregnant women again. You may find that you have more in common than you realized. You may be able to listen to a "normal" birth story with hopes for the next time. You may even listen to a joyous birth story and realize how far you have come, and how much you have grown and become strong.