Your thoughts here...
Coping with your feelings about other pregnant women after the birth of your premature baby.
Continued from page 20      By: Kerry Bone and Mara Tesler Stein, Psy.D.

 

You grieve, imagining yourself in her place…still pregnant...enjoying the last portion of a normal, healthy pregnancy…

You long for the time before the crisis -- when you were hopeful and innocent -- when everything still felt normal and you could anticipate a "fairy tale" ending…

"she" is taking part in the last "rites" of pregnancy; baby showers, childbirth classes, and nursery preparations -- things you missed

"she" is wrapped up in the changes taking place in her body during pregnancy -- feeling the baby move, reveling in her expanding waistline

"she" asks you for advice in coping with late pregnancy discomforts or labor/delivery/recovery and homecoming

"she" shares her "perfect" birth plan with you, one that includes no medication, no

intervention, and baby rooming in for the duration of her short stay

"she" discuss her "perfect" plans for after the baby arrives, including breastfeeding, crib arrangements, visitors and smooth adjustments in the marriage

You cry with envy…wondering how that would have felt…

You feel left out and alone…your experience was nothing like this…and you cannot even share it with her…

You feel that your advice is useless because you can't imagine how your experience could be helpful to her…

You wonder if you will ever have the opportunity to enjoy a "normal" pregnancy and childbirth…

"she" refuses to allow you to discuss what happened with your pregnancy, for fear that it would scare or "jinx" her

"she" teases you for being hypervigilant to warning signs and "obsessed" with precautions
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