E-Male
control

Now, of course, this is something of an exaggeration, but my point is, dealing with the uncontrollable nature of child-rearing can lead to a feeling that you've lost of control over your life, and a growing feeling of resentment toward the child. And the added responsibilities of raising a preemie just complicate matters exponentially. What you need to realize is that you haven't lost control; you just have less optional decisions to make. Before you had children, there were still aspects of your life that you had no control over. You may have been able to decide when and how long to sleep, but you never considered eliminating sleep entirely. You may have been able to decide what and where and when to eat, but you couldn't realistically decide to stop eating altogether. You need to treat the restrictions placed on you by your preemie the same way you do any other mandatory activity: "I have no choice in the matter. This is something I have to do, as surely as I have to keep breathing. I would no sooner ignore my child's needs than I would willingly watch a Kathie Lee Gifford Special..." Well, you get the point. Once you come to grips with the aspects of your life that you can't control, you can begin to identify those things that you can.

Which leads me to my suggestion for how to reassert control over your life. Now that you are both devoting a significant portion of your time to tending to your preemie's needs, there are certain changes that will have to be made in your lifestyle. Rather than resenting the child for forcing these changes, embrace the opportunity to assert control in other aspects of your life. Do those things that males tend to excel at: identify the problem, gather and organize information, and develop, implement and fine tune said plan. (Just don't get carried away and launch a preemptive strike on the NICU) In this case, work with your partner to determine what activities around the house need to be accomplished to maintain a desired standard of living (might I suggest that watching SportsCenter probably isn't one of them) and figure out how to accomplish these things. If that means taking on responsibility for tasks previously performed by Mom, wonderful. Show her that you are capable of cooking dinner X nights a week, or doing laundry, or whatever (you might want to leave the Nursing to her). The very fact that you are assuming responsibility for these tasks shows that you are in control: you recognize that it is important these things be done and you are willing to step up to the plate and do them.