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isolation
Continued from page 28     By: Kerry Bone and Mara Tesler Stein, Psy.D.
It can be hard enough to be isolated from family and friends, but during the holidays, when you are accustomed to sharing times with these people, you may find yourself feeling even more frustrated and lonely. During a season often filled with family celebrations, you choose to stay home, or to participate with only part of your newly extended family. While you know that this is in your child's best interest, the necessity for this choice means confronting again the realities of having a premature baby.

"This was the first Christmas ever that I did not see my family. But having our son home was the only present we needed under the tree." -- Maureen, mom to 33 weeker

There are ways to deal with isolation, mostly creative ones you will discover as the days progress. The most important help is developing a support system to help you through times when you feel lonely, frustrated, irritated, or depressed with isolation. These people can help you continue to feel connected with the outside world. Supportive people will also reinforce your knowledge that after all that you and your child have been through, following doctor's recommendations and protecting your child makes perfect sense.

What can help?
  • Give yourself permission to be upset that you must treat your child with more vigilance. Allow yourself to be angry that this happened, and that your life is different than you had anticipated.
  • Seek out friends and family who support your decisions, understand your justifiable vigilance, and nurture your parenting instincts.
  • Use the phone A LOT to keep in contact with supportive friends.
  • Take your baby to the window so you can show him to friends.
  • Join an on-line support group (for parents of preemies, mothers, or breastfeeding, for example) · Become active in an on-line chat room.
  • Read books and parenting magazines if they don't leave you feeling even more alienated from the rest of the parenting world!
  • Rent movies or find a daily TV show or two to watch.
  • Decide on your rules for who can visit and under what circumstances.
  • Allow yourself to enjoy visits from people whom you deem "safe."
  • If you have family or a reliable, healthy sitter to depend on, ask them to come in once or twice a week. Use this time to enjoy their company or leave the house for an hour or two of "outside contact".
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