Topics Discussed This Month
dreams of the NICU.... do they remember?
 
Anne speculates, "I have often wondered what Vincent might remember of his 8 weeks in NICU. He seemed very distressed in the first few days and then became very withdrawn and passive. He stayed withdrawn for most of his first year, and then gradually became more confident about and interested in the world. He's just turned 3 and is a very bright and lively little boy with a normal response to pain and no particular fears except ...
He's always had a "thing" about owls. He was fascinated the first time he saw a picture of one, and when he first learned to crawl he would head straight for the bookshelf to find "What bird is that?" and then go through it as best he could until he found the page about owls. He always seemed very tense when he was looking at owl drawings.
...For the last few months he's been having nightmares and calling out, "Owl hurting Vincent".
...I thought of the combination of bright lights, watching eyes and pain. Are these memories of NICU or am I reading too much into it?
Apart from the owl revelation, I would have said that Vincent shows no sign of remembering the horrors of NICU. What do other parents think about their children's very early memories?"

Nancy adds, "This is one of my big concerns....what if anything do they remember about that time??? I don't want them to remember all the pain and not being with their family - here is another big part of my guilt feelings. If only I could have held them in longer they wouldn't have had to experience all of that. I hated having to leave them there by themselves. I know the nurses did the best they could, but it can't possibly compare to a mothers love and attention they shower on their children.
They have been back in the NICU when we've gone back to visit nurses and doctors...heard the beeps, and the NICU sounds....and I didn't notice any response from them at all. I haven't made pictures or video of that time available for them to look at or watch...they have seen video from when they were just out of the hospital. They love looking at the "dadies" (babies)!!
They recently found some old leads (from apnea monitor) in their changing table in their bedroom and pulled them out and said "Mommy, sissy, dady". Ok, I know it's a stretch, but I think she meant to tell me that they were sissy's (they call themselves and their sister that!) when she/they were a baby. I just sat there for a minute and she repeated it until I told her that yes they were from when she was a baby. Does she remember?? If only I could see what it is she's remembering...
The only thing that helps me from getting overwhelmed by guilt is to know that I did all I could from the very beginning to keep them in there as long as possible. When that didn't work I did whatever I could to do the very best for them. In the end, that's all we can do as parents....do they very best we can for our children and love them with everything in us!!!"

Andrea wonders, "... if our son remembers any of the experiences he had in the NICU. When we first got him home, he was very sensitive for at least the first couple years about having things touch his face. He hated it. I slowly conditioned him into liking it again, by gently stroking his cheeks or forehead at pleasant times, and by touching his face minimally at more negative times (when he was already upset about something). Now he loves to have his face/head/body lightly stroked, especially at bedtime...

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