Topics of Discussion
Do you have flashbacks?

Preemie-l discussion forum       http://home.vicnet.net.au/~garyh/preemie_forum/

Timothy comments, "My answer to your question about whether we have had similar experiences is yes and no. I would have to say no because we are still very involved with the NICU. Our ped. is connected to the hospital so we visited alot when Harrison first came home. We stay involved with the support group that meets there. I also rock babies whenever I can get up there on a volunteer basis. We really haven't been away from the place enough to have flashbacks. But we still get hit by the strangest things. As soon as the elevator door opens to the floor the NICU is on, my wife says she gets a funny feeling in her stomach. One time when I was rocking a new baby came in and was put in the stall right next to where I was rocking. The dad came in all nervous and excited and scared and asked all the same questions I had. That really hit close to the heart. I talked to him a little and hopefully calmed him down. When he heard my son was a third of the size of his and doing well, he seemed to calm down a little bit.
Recently, something happened that really hit me hard, and it seems totally harmless. Harrison had to go in for a overnight observation last week (in short, he had a fever and we thought shortness of breath, everything was fine though). Anyway, I walked in to the cafeteria to get dinner for my wife and I. As soon as I walked through the door I was just about overcome with emotion. It seemed I was right back in the NICU experience. I got breakfast there so often that the cafeteria lady knew what I ordered. I can remember sitting in there, trying to eat my breakfast waiting for rounds to end so I could see my son. Having my son readmitted didn't bother me nearly as much as walking into that damn cafeteria. Go figure.
I think these types of things will hit us at the strangest times. "

Rock's mom adds, "I understand, when Rock, my son 27 wk 2 lb, was about 16 mos I began to have anxiety attacks. I don't think I ever dealt with all of the pain and heartache of the NICU and it just culminated in these panic attacks which I still have sometimes. I think that it is good that you are crying it out. No matter how old or big our babies get-they will always be preemies to us."

Ginger remarks, "I am still having to deal with my emotions on this. My kids, both preemies, Avery 25.6 weeker, now 5 and Aidan 32 weeker, now 2...it's all so hard to deal with at one time, so I think we get it in doses. I have just learned about this discussion group a few months ago, and am just now able to talk and offer my own opinions etc..to all of you after 5 years! It's a long healing process,especially if you had a long stay in the NICU. Aidan was a walk in the park compared to Avery! But, the feelings were there...plus dealing with Avery's feelings of being a brother and losing his mommy to a hospital for 3 1/2 weeks! It's all hard, but it's a natural progression of becoming well again, and it will get easier. The pang in the heart is definitely still there though!"

Kris writes, "Girl, I felt like I could have written this myself (DH will accuse me of sleep-posting again). We are at 13 months and I am just starting to emotionally heal/forgive myself for my son's prematurity. I have a friend whose daughter is 19 months and she is working through stuff too. You are not alone. There are no shoulds - we get to things when we can. This is a big trauma."

Martin relates, "A lady in the village where we live had a prem baby 18 years ago. her daughter is perfect and is at university. She has been wonderful to talk to, but she still cannot watch any TV programs which involve prem babies, she leaves the room in tears, this is after 18 years."