"The birth of a child is usually a time for happiness and celebration. For us parents of preemies, it is often a time of fear and uncertainty. I doubt many parents of preemies actually get a chance to celebrate their child/children's birth because we were just too scared."
"For the first few years of our daughters' lives, we celebrated both their actual birthday and their due date (which was a much happier occasion and also a day before they were released from the hospital)."
"On their real birthday, we show the girls pictures of them on their second day. Fortunately, my father-in-law took a videotape in the NICU. I was too sick to go see them more than about 3 minutes a day the first few days. I think it is important for my kids to know where they started from. It puts things into perspective."

For parents who lose a twin or triplet at or after birth, the birthday party may be a time of bittersweet memories. Rene and Bethe describe how they cope with these memories of loss. Rene explains,

"My girls were born at 27 weeks in 1984 - and for five years I had a rough time on their birthday due to the loss of the triplet brother at two weeks of age. I never could understand why their birthday rather than the day he died bothered me so much, but it always did. That made it hard to be excited on their "special day" each year."
"After the birth of my now 9 year old, things slowly improved. But I still think about Daniel more on their birthday than on the day he passed away."

Bethe describes the depth of her feelings around her son's birthday.

"I get so deep in a well around Adrian's birthday, most likely due to the loss of his twin Harris after 28 horrible days. It's funny (not) I am so good about it all year long, am able to discuss my situation (if asked) with anyone without getting emotional, am so proud of my son and his progress, but it's soooooo deep down, this pain, than it pops up again at birthday time. I totally lost it when they sang Happy Birthday to my son at Charlie Rockets this past July at out little family party. I always make his "friends" party at the end of July, to give me time to work out of the funk."

In closing, this mixture of feelings can pervade special events, but as as Allison explains, for parents of preemies birthdays can be also be special times of triumph and celebration.

"We also regard Alex's birthday as the celebration of a miracle. We feel blessed that he is alive and getting sooo big. For his first birthday we had about 80 people who had supported us over the first year over and had a barbecue in the back yard. Alex had just come off of his oxygen in time for the occasion. It was a joyous occasion. We had him in a big playpen in the middle of the yard so everyone could see him."
"Events other than his birthday seem to trigger the sadness and pain we experienced at his birth. Public events in the auditorium at school make us feel like we don't know whether to laugh or cry. We have great pride in what he does in his unique way - his spirit always shines through. We grieve at the gap between what 'is' and what 'might have been'. But on birthdays, we always remember the miracle and joy of survival over terrible odds."