Editor's Page

Editor:
Tammy Bangs
earlyed@bigfoot.com

Preemie Child:
Allison and Rick Martin
5martin@bellsouth.net

Dealings:
Mara Stein, Psy.D.
Mtstein@aol.com
Deborah L. Davis, Phd
Dmkdavis@aol.com

Inspirations:
Deb Waltman
HarrisonIV@aol.com

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It is true that *bonding* became a buzzword, and ideal of the 90's.  Anywhere that gave parental advice, spoke of the grand importance of bonding those first minutes after birth. 

I was very worried about how Taylor and I would bond.  His first few minutes were filled with needles, and pounding, and furious movements and noise. His first visions were not that of a loving parent's face, but that of medical personnel barking out orders and pleas to hang  on and breathe. 

How could I bond with a baby I only got a blurry (glasses weren't on) glimpse of as they whisked him away.  How could I bond with my son while mourning the loss of his brother? How would he bond with me?  How would he know the difference between me and all the medical personnel? How would he learn of the love of his parents when we couldn't even hold him for three weeks?

And since we didn't get those *all important* bonding-birth-moments, what kind of person would he become?  Would he resent me the rest of his life?  Would he feel abandoned, even tortured?

I can not remember any defining *bonding* moment.  The closest thing I can think of is when we first saw the two "caterpillar" images on the sonogram screen. My children were all conceived through in-vitro fertilization,  the love and longing for them was there for many years prior to their existence.  But the moment I saw the images on the screen, I was in love.

I don't know exactly when it happened for Taylor.  But I do know it happened.   And with a vengeance.  Taylor and I are extremely close today.  When ever we go somewhere, he insists on holding  my hand, even if we are only going into the kitchen.  He constantly fights with his little brother over who's turn it is to sit by me at dinner or behind me in the car.  In fact, my Father-In-Law often teases me that I have to cut the cord sometime.  When ever he tries to do something for Taylor (like get him dressed, or give a bath), he is met with wails of "NO MOMMY WILL!!!!" To be honest... I smile ear to ear every time I hear that.  MOMMY WILL.  He loves me.  He wants me. He trusts me.  He has somehow forgiven me. Yes Taylor, MOMMY WILL!!!!

Tammy, Mom to:
Taylor (born at 28 wks., now 6 yrs.),
Taylor's identical twin, and guardian angel - Alex,
and Travis (full term, now 4 yrs.).
Wife to Gary (finally assigned to shore duty).

If you are reading this newsletter on paper... it is because someone has taken the time to download it off the internet, print it out and share it with you. If you have internet access, maybe you can do the same for others.  http://home.vicnet.net.au/~earlyed/welcome.htm

Disclaimer: The writings and opinions contained in this newsletter are strictly the opinions of the writer, and do not contain any endorsements, or guarantees, of any kind. Further, these opinions and writings are in no way meant to be considered as medical advice. Nor are they meant to replace any medical advice. Always discuss concerns and questions with your physician.