10.  I wish you understood some of the lingering reactions I might face from the intense trauma of a premature birth. Don't be surprised if I tell you I am incredibly hypervigilant about my child's care, or I have unrealistic fears that my older preemie child could still die, or I suffer from anxiety or panic attacks when near hospitals or ambulances, or I have extremely vivid flashbacks and nightmares.

11.  I wish you would not offer me drinks or drugs as a means to heal. These are just temporary crutches, and the only way I can get through this process of healing is to experience it. Instead, help me find another preemie parent to talk with, a support group to attend, or a qualified therapist to help me resolve my difficulties.

12.  Our child's birthday, his due date and homecomings and the anniversaries of these and other special dates are important times for us. We may celebrate, but also mourn and relive the pain. I wish you could tell us you understand that we are dealing with lots of tough emotions and it is okay to feel this strange mixture of feelings. Don't try to coerce us into being cheerful, even though that is what is expected.

13.  It is normal and good that most of us reexamine our faith, values and beliefs after a preterm birth. We question things we have been taught all our lives and hopefully come to some new understanding with our God. I wish if I am one who must tangle with my religion, you would let me do so without feeling guilty.

14.  I wish you could understand that complications related to prematurity can sometimes appear months, and even years into our child's life, after a seemingly "normal" time. I wish you would not tell me that "the worst is over" or our battle with prematurity has ended once our child is discharged, or turning one, or walking. We must watch carefully and closely for proper development, difficulties, and possible disabilities for years to come and this can be just as scary and worrisome as the early days.

15. I wish you understood that having a premature baby changes people. I am not the same person I was the moment before my child arrived and never will be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to 'get back to my old self', you will stay frustrated. I am a new creature with new thoughts, dreams, aspirations, values and beliefs. Please try to get to know the new me---maybe you will like me still."