Emale
Ed Martinelli
MARTIEA@groupwise1.duc.auburn.edu

In the topics discussed this issue, the question is asked if everyone feels this way?  Has having a premature (or chronically ill) baby changed the way you parent?   My answer is a resounding yes.  I am not the parent I envisioned myself being.    I am more paranoid, more protective, more neurotic, and in many ways more lenient.  I no longer take a healthy, *normal* child for granted.  And yes, even 5 years later.. I check my children's breathing.  I still assess their coloring and worry if their lips or face appear *dusky*.   And I constantly look for things that may signal that something is wrong.   I have a tendency to jump to the worst conclusions first, and think of the more reasonable possibilities later.
For example:  there came a time in my pregnancy with Travis that I began to occasionally feel these little *jumps*.  The jumps were too quick to be normal   fetal movement.  They would repeat over and over, every few seconds, for a duration of 10 minutes or so.  I was panicked.  After Taylor had his brain bleed, we were well drilled in the symptoms of a possible seizure ... rhythmic, repetitive movements...  I was completely convinced for about two weeks that Travis was having seizures in utero.  I was sure of this even though his was a *normal* healthy pregnancy.  I really had no idea what *normal* was, or how to react to it.  It wasn't until I had gotten a good case of hiccups myself, that I realized what  was really making Travis jump.  
After Travis was born, at 37 weeks and a huge 8 lbs, I was even more of a wreck.  I had no idea how to care for a healthy infant.  What do you mean he could room in with me??? What if something happens? Where were the monitors?  Do his lips look blue?   Is he breathing to fast? How is his temperature?  How am I supposed to know if he is keeping his oxygen level up if there is no pulse ox? Shouldn't there be covers for his eyes?  It took a very very long time for me to relax, and trust that Travis was not going to *crash* at any moment. 
And I can say that even though I still jump to the worst conclusions first.. I can now step back, gain a bit of perspective... and look for the more reasonable explanations.   I now can realize that my boys lips look a little pale because they have simply spent way too long in the bathtub, and are getting too cold, not because they can't control their oxygen levels.

Tammy, Mom to:
Taylor (born at 28 wks, now 5),
Taylor's id twin, and guardian angel - Alex,
and Travis (full term, now 3).
Wife to Gary (mostly out to sea).