Topics Discussed This Month
what is your best advice?

Cathi advises, "I agree with Laura, with the addition that you get to KNOW at least one of the neos, so you can get them (if you can find them ;) to write up orders for you.  I was lucky and had one terrific nurse who was also my lactation consultant who made it a point to include me and to ask the reigning neo questions in front of me, (for my benefit) so I could also ask things, and get to know them so I was comfortable asking them things when she wasn't Emily's nurse that day."

Denise says, "I would have to say......Get involved with the care of your child and learn all you can about babies before you go home.  I got to give Brianna baths and change her diapers.  The nurses even let me stay as long as I wanted except for during shift changes.  I would leave and take a nap during these times.  And for those nurses that I became friends with I would asked lots of questions about how to take care of a baby.  Like "What do you recommend for diaper rashes? and other odd questions that you don't think of until you are already home.  I took a note pad and wrote down questions and answers.  I didn't always us their advise but it was nice to have several perspectives to draw from. Remember - It's your baby!!!  If you don't like something let them know.  Discuss it, and make changes as necessary.  You are paying them to take care of your child - That means you are the boss!!!And lastly, get as much rest as you can.  Because when you bring that precious little one home - Sleep becomes a thing of the past!!!!"

Thomas writes, "There are two important mantras.  The first, which the doctors and nurses will tell you, is two steps forward and one step backward.  But the second, maybe more important and the one that all the parents will tell you is that YOU are your Emma's best advocate, and you need to trust your instincts and insist on the things that you think are best for her.  Right now, you may feel clueless, but, as I said, soon you will be an expert, and once you have knowledge, you should not be afraid to put it to use.
Put succinctly, I think the most important piece of advice is "You are your child's best advocate."  Or, as I put it yesterday, "You da boss!"    
Note that this is a broader principle than ask the doctor when you want to get something done, all though that is entirely sound advice.  But I think it's very important for parents to realize that they can say yes and also no to procedures and personnel and also that once they begin to accumulate information, they become the most knowledgeable persons around about the condition and treatment of their child or children.  I don't think that parents should have to put up with all of the micropolitical BS that emerges concerning the treatment of their child, such as the nurse issues that I had to deal with early on.  And, while I recognize that parents are not always the most knowledgeable persons with regard to medical treatment and such, I think that the job of the doctors and nurses has to be to give the parents enough information so the parents can consent (or not) in an informed way.  Along with this power to say yes and no, I also assign the parents a lot of responsibility, and that's an important part of the package."

Christy adds, "...my suggestions:  take as active a role in your daughter's care that is allowed.  As soon as you are able, kangaroo care (let us know if you are not familiar with KC, and we will help you learn about this awesome way to bond and help her thrive); give her massage if she can handle the stimulation (let us know if you want to learn more about infant massage); read to her and sing songs to her and spend as much time at the hospital as is healthy for you (that is an important caveat -- it is not good for anyone for you to be there all day long).
Learn as much as you can about preemie issues (let us know if we can recommend books for you to read) and be an active advocate for your daughter.
Try to have friends or family come and visit her in the NICU so they know what you are going through.  When people offer assistance, take them up on it -- tell them exactly what would make your life easier -- i.e., send over a casserole, as the last thing you want to do is shop and cook after a long day at the NICU.   If what you could really use is a haircut or a manicure, let someone treat you -- you deserve it."