Editor's Page

Editor:
Tammy Bangs
gbangs@earthlink.net

Emale
Jon Burks
doodlehb@pop.erols.com

Special collaborative column
Kerry Bone
KBone91@aol.com
Mara Stei, Psy.D.
Mtstein@aol.com
Deborah L. Davis, Phd
Dmkdavis@aol.com

Expressions
Mary Honma
honma@acpub.duke.edu

Itty Bitty Baby Tips
Kerry Bone
KBone91@aol.com

Biography
Ami Logan
vader1@is.netcom.com

Welcomes and Angels
Shelley Phelan
shel@intergate.bc.ca

Birthdays
Barb
monkeys@execulink.com

Homecomings
Kathie Robbins
Kathie.Robbins@comsat.com

The holidays were extremely hard on my family. Our son, Taylor (born at 28 weeks, now 4 1/2 yrs old), became very ill just a few weeks before Christmas. Taylor doesn't get sick like most kids do... when he gets sick (which surprisingly is quite rare)... it is hard and fast...
This time it was the flu... and in just a few short hours, he went from happy energetic and playful, to lethargic, deeply pale, and severely dehydrated. It resulted in eight hours spent in the ER... IV's, blood tests, x-rays, and finally a CAT scan. Taylor wasn't showing the typical flu symptoms... he had no fever... no cold-like symptoms... just severe nausea. He had the Drs. suspicious of things much more serious than the flu... But all the tests came back normal.. He simply had a stomach virus... His eyes were dark, and sunken... and to me... he looked liked death. It scared me nearly as much as the early NICU days. It was a sharp reminder that my son is not a typical kid... and that I still can not relax when it comes to his health. Or let up when it comes to protecting that health. He is still very vulnerable... and I must still be ever vigilant.

The whole experience makes me wonder if I will ever treat Taylor like an average child. Will I ever be able to relax when he is playing in the playland of the local fast food place? Or will I always stand there... obsessing over who had been playing in the sea of colored balls before him... and what germs had they left behind? Will I ever be able to just sit and let him go play without thoroughly scanning the other players for runny noses... coughs... flushed faces?

When you have had a baby before nature intended... it leaves scars on all involved. It leaves the visible scars on the poor babes. And emotional scars on the child's loved ones. Scars that may never fully heal... never full fade.

Only other preemie parents can understand these obsessions.
Only those who have spent time in the NICU, watching helplessly as their precious babies are hooked to wires, tubes, and machines..and fight for every breath, can understand just how deep the scars run.. on both of you.

If you are reading this newsletter on paper.. it is because someone has taken the time to download it off the internet, print it out and share it with you...  If you have internet access, maybe you can do the same for others.

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