Topics of Discussion
Are you a *sexy dad*?

wisdom from the Preemie-l e-mail group           http://home.vicnet.net.au/~garyh/preemie.htm

Sheila introduces a topic, "One of the consistent threads that have woven it's way into to the collective consciousness of our group, is  the divergent ways that Mothers and Fathers seem to deal with the entire preemie experience.
There is significant evidence that this type of crisis is particularly damaging to a couples relationship, even here in our little community, we have examples of how this experience "finished off" relationships which
were probably already in trouble, and dented some stronger ones.
However, on this list it seems that all the men who write, are men we'd all love to be married to, and some Mom's sing the praises of their mates through out the entire crisis.  What are the key differences between these "sexy fathers of preemie-l", and the many others who seem to struggle in their own emotional prisons ?
We have many new families, who might find it comforting to hear how veterans weathered this crisis, and what might have been helpful had "you known then, what you know now".....
I realized my ex-husband's real value to me in terms of our preemie experience, the night he got up for the third-in-a-row(real) apnea alarm, and said  .... "you sleep, I'll get it, Katie's fries are done",  his humor and tender care giving to both me and Kate, was such a relief.... I remember thinking how lucky Kate was to have him as a father, and how lucky I was to have someone who could instantaneously know when I was likely to panic, and intervened in the perfect way.
So ladies, do you have something which x years later still makes steam come from your ears, or something that gave your spouse a permanent "get of of jail" free card  or perhaps a piece of wisdom you have now that would have been priceless then.... let's hear it."

Melissa shares, "Jeff would make it to the hospital twice a day, no matter how tired he was, once before work for Curtis's early morning feed (the nurses knew to wait for him) and again with me in the evening. He'd hold Curtis and rock him and sing to him and often the nurses would find them both asleep in the rocking chair. The first couple of times it happened they'd panic that he would drop Curtis, but caught on quickly that he wasn't going to and would just leave them alone for a few minutes.
Today, on Curtis's 3rd birthday, I can look back on those days and I know that that time they spent together then is what keeps Jeff sane through the current trying times and the frustrations of parenting a toddler/preschooler and taking care of a pregnant wife."

Adriana relates, "I know it has really been only almost 2 months since Timothy came home but I wanted to share with you the great father and supportive husband Bryan is. (but let it be said that have had our hard times as well but have come out of this I believe stronger and better.).
Breastpumping: Bryan was very supportive of me with it. He would bring me glasses of water and made sure I had eaten. Sometimes he was a nag. But the nicest thing he did was place little surprise notes on the breast pump telling me thank you and some were "from" Timothy. Often he would get up with me in the night and he would always wash the pump stuff. Something I hated to do.
Feeding: After I BF Timothy, Bryan will bottle feed him...even in the middle of the night.
NICU Months: We went everyday. I was afraid to bond with Timothy at first but he told me that I shouldn't be afraid to bond with him. If he died, I would then have no regrets since I was the best mother I could have been. If he lived, and thank God he did, then we would have a great relationship. He also reminded me that we shouldn't forget us, the two of us, so he took me out to dinners and the movies. I'm glad we did that because we can't do any of that now! But I don't mind. Once this last summer during a surprise rainstorm he took me outside to play in the rain. As we laid in the hammock he reminded me that from now on we would have little Timothy watching how crazy we were and that it would be good for him to see us having fun together. On our way home from the hospital almost every night we would imagine Timothy's homecoming and what it would be like. We would discuss it in full detail, embellishing and changing it as the weeks went on. That gave me so much hope.
Changing Baby : Bryan won't do this.
I'll always remember the evening I came down stairs after taking a shower and I overheard Bryan telling Timothy, "Boy, you are loved."
Things aren't always perfect but I try to look at the positive. We are stronger for the experience. Timothy and I are very blessed to have Bryan."
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