Dealings
Reactions to the celebrated birth of the septuplets….

The implantation of 7 embryos at once is reproductive technology at its worst. Since the human uterus is not meant to carry that many babies, the prognosis and health risks to mother and babies were very grave. There was no way that the mother could have a low-risk pregnancy, no possibility of carrying these babies to term, and zero chance that these babies would be born healthy. Even though these parents’ decision rested on their fundamental religious beliefs, it is a terrible experience to be told that either you abort some babies or surely risk losing some or all. Fertility treatments that leave parents in such a predicament are irresponsible and unethical.Secondly, infertility is not a condition where the parents necessarily feel "cured" when they finally have a baby. Infertility carries with it a sense of failure, and raising septuplets may be a constant reminder of that, and what it means to have mixed blessings.

Finally, most parents who are "blessed" with mega-multiples are NOT having the parenting experiences that they longingly imagined. Even if they are lucky enough that all their babies survived, the juggling, the exhaustion, the expense-- this lifestyle is not what they had in mind when they were on their quest for a baby. As one parent said, "This is not what I was wishing for!"

• Media: The parents already see them as individuals.

Yes, they were named as they were delivered. And it’s true, infants need to be enjoyed and treasured as individuals. But in the chaos of watching over all 7 babies, they are likely to miss much of each baby's early days, weeks and months just trying to keep up. And it will be a while before the parents are able to be very involved in their care, much less able to hold them all close in their arms.

Sadly, there just aren’t enough hours in the day for their mother and father to revel in each one of those precious babies. If this mother enjoyed a breastfeeding relationship with her older daughter, does she regret being unable to do the same for each of these 7? After the parents’ shock wears off, will anyone give them a chance to talk about feeling overwhelmed by their babies’ hospitalization and eventual homecoming? Perhaps the parents are reticent about sharing any negative feelings. Perhaps the media are only interested in reporting the joy. Of course 100% happy stories are great, but in this case, painting such a rosy picture is a gross oversimplification, and a disservice to the family who could probably use real emotional support along with the congratulations.

• Media: With faith in God’s will, the parents chose to carry all 7, instead of selectively aborting down to triplets or twins.

Oh, that religious faith could yield a positive outcome every time. Plenty of good, religious, faithful, loving parents have lost one or more babies from a multiple pregnancy. Some of these parents have made that incredibly, impossibly painful decision to reduce to twins or triplets to increase the odds for intact survival. Do not forget that so many grieving parents are watching the McCaughey’s with mixed emotions. So happy for them, but sad for themselves; envious that the McCaughey’s beat the odds, guilty for not trying to do the same, angry that good fortune didn’t come their way too. The focus should not be simply on believing in God's will. There needs to be discussion on the agonizing feelings and impossible decisions stirred up by reproductive technology and unexpected "miracles."

• Media: This is such exciting, heartwarming, good news.

Yes, it is. But we who have experience with preterm birth are acutely aware that this could have been, simply put, a disaster. We cannot celebrate wholeheartedly. We hold our breaths, hoping that all the babies make it with nary a complication. We feel for the parents who long to cradle each tiny infant in their arms. We ache for the mother, knowing what she is missing. We admire the courage and grace with which they bear the burden of caring for 7 infants. We hope that the realities of providing for their children does not break them. And we want them to have the time and energy to truly enjoy their brood. Mostly, we hope that this is what they wished for…