Dealings
Becoming a Different Kind of Parent.
By: Mara Tesler Stein, Psy.D. and Deborah L. Davis, Ph.D.
 
Having a premature baby is so very different from having a full term baby. Likewise, raising a prematurely born child is so very different from the normal parenting experiences.

How the pregnancy ends has an impact not only on your first months with your baby, but also over the years that follow. It affects how you see yourself as a parent and how you view and respond to your child. Do keep in mind that your feelings, concerns and perceptions, your ways of understanding what you are facing, and your methods of responding and coping will change over time. Just as your premature baby grows into a child with unique strengths and needs, you also develop into a special kind of parent.

 
 

A Different Path

Parenthood transforms you. On top of that, having a premature baby brings challenges and opportunities beyond those faced by other parents. If your child has major health, growth or developmental consequences of prematurity, it is obvious that you and your parenting should be affected. If the consequences are minor, you probably expect to be affected, but may wonder at the intensity of your feelings. If your baby grows into a healthy, typical child with no significant evidence of prematurity lingering, you may wonder why you haven’t moved on. But you can’t seem to shake the memories, feelings and reverberations of the preterm birth and beyond. Your child can seem well adjusted, but you may feel far from it.

When you set out on the road to parenthood, you envision joining that exclusive parenting "club" and confronting the typical ups and downs that many other families face. But your journey, with its early start, has set you on a different path.You have to reconsider the ideas you had about what parenting your baby would be like, and what YOU would be like as a parent. When the reality is vastly different than what you were prepared for, it is natural to struggle to figure out who you are and how you will cope.
 
 

POINTS TO REMEMBER

  • While the initial flood of feelings will eventually subside, it is normal for the memories, emotions and reverberations of the birth and beyond to stay with you.

  • Having a premature baby has long-lasting effects on how you see yourself as a parent and how you view and respond to your child.
  • Raising a prematurely born child brings a host of challenges—and joys.
  • Just as your premature baby grows into a child with unique strengths and needs, you also develop into a special kind of parent.
  • You are not alone.

 

 
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