Co-Dependents Anonymous

The Preamble
of Co-Dependents Anonymous
Co-Dependents Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women whose common purpose is to develop healthy relationships. The only requirement for membership is a desire for healthy and fulfilling relationships. We rely on the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions for knowledge and wisdom. These are the principles of our program and guides to developing honest and fulfilling relationships. Through applying the Twelve Steps and principles in CoDA to our daily life and relationships, both present and past, we can experience a new freedom from our self-defeating lifestyles and realize a new joy, acceptance and serenity in our lives.
Newcomers may wish to visit our Welcome Section to find out more about CoDA. It explains what codependence is, what CoDA is all about, and how recovery in CoDA works..

What Is Codependency?
If you are new to CoDA you may be wondering "Am I codependent?". At CoDA, we offer no definition or diagnostic criterion for codependence. What we do offer is a list of patterns and characteristics as a tool to aid in self evaluation.

How Do I Learn More About CoDA?
If you are new to CoDA, we suggest that you begin by reading these sections to find out what CoDA is all about:

Welcome To CoDA - explains what brought many of us to CoDA and how recovery can improve our lives.

Preamble - briefly explains what CoDA is all about.
Patterns and Characteristics
of Codependence

Patterns and Characteristics Of Codependency
These patterns and characteristics are offered as a tool to aid in self-evaluation. They may be particularly helpful to newcomers. - lists behaviors and characteristics that are common to people suffering from codependency.

Denial Patterns:
· I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
· I minimize, alter or deny how I truly feel.
· I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well being of others.

Low Self Esteem Patterns:
· I have difficulty making decisions.
· I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never "good enough."
· I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts.
· I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.
· I value others' approval of my thinking, feelings and behavior over my own.
· I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.

Compliance Patterns:
· I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others' anger.
· I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.
· I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
· I value others' opinions and feelings more than my own and am afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.
· I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want.
· I accept sex when I want love.

Control Patterns:
· I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
· I attempt to convince others of what they "should" think and how they "truly" feel.
· I become resentful when others will not let me help them.
· I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.
· I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.
· I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.
· I have to be "needed" in order to have a relationship with others.

The Welcome
of Co-Dependents Anonymous
We welcome you to Co-Dependents Anonymous, a program of recovery from codependence, where each of us may share our experience, strength, and hope in our efforts to find freedom where there has been bondage and peace where there has been turmoil in our relationships with others and ourselves.
Most of us have been searching for ways to overcome the dilemmas of the conflicts in our relationships and our childhoods. Many of us were raised in families where addictions existed - some of us were not. In either case, we have found in each of our lives that codependence is a most deeply rooted compulsive behavior and that it is born out of our sometimes moderately, sometimes extremely dysfunctional family systems. We have each experienced in our own ways the painful trauma of the emptiness of our childhood and relationships throughout our lives.
We attempted to use others - our mates, friends, and even our children, as our sole source of identity, value and well being, and as a way of trying to restore within us the emotional losses from our childhoods. Our histories may include other powerful addictions which at times we have used to cope with our codependence.
We have all learned to survive life, but in CoDA we are learning to live life. Through applying the Twelve Steps and principles found in CoDA to our daily life and relationships ­ both present and past - we can experience a new freedom from our self defeating lifestyles. It is an individual growth process. Each of us is growing at our own pace and will continue to do so as we remain open to God's will for us on a daily basis. Our sharing is our way of identification and helps us to free the emotional bonds of our past and the compulsive control of our present.
No matter how traumatic your past or despairing your present may seem, there is hope for a new day in the program of Co-Dependents Anonymous. No longer do you need to rely on others as a power greater than yourself. May you instead find here a new strength within to be that which God intended - Precious and Free.