Two Hours of Schizophrenia? Or is it Acute Parkinsons?
(by Peter Elliott)
Go Back to Healing Page
This article is
copyright
(1996)
At 9.40am
Nearly two and a half hours
later than normal
I finally manage to
Make a phone call to my boss
("Feeling schizophrenic - will try and be in at lunch")
And get out of bed
And take my prescribed pimozide tablet
.
It was not the first occurrence of this problem.
Some force beyond my control
Throws me into a minor fit
Legs kicking of their own accord
When I try to get up.
Only on this occasion there's more.
There's suddenly being draggged into meditation,
Suddenly being overcome with laziness,
Suddenly being overcome with tiredness
(Although I got in a good night's sleep)
I don't lie there idle.
I apply my two theories behind such events:
That spirits with the power to induce
Laziness, tiredness or meditation
Not to mention movement
Are being deployed against me
For whatever reason
And that they have got the wrong "me".
To understand the "wrong me"
You have to do as follows:
Imagine what we call the unconscious mind
Is made up of a series of selves
Or "you"'s
Each in their own world
To varying degrees similar to your one.
To one of these selves of mine
I am a small part of their unconscious mind,
For me, they are my sub or even unconscious.
The varying "me"'s
Vary in their status in society.
Some are virtual unknowns - like myself.
A few may have achieved some fame.
Unfortunately some of mine would seem to have attained
A certain notoriety.
It is the last who are relevant
To the issue at hand:
Why it is hard to get out of bed.
It was obvious to me that one of these dream selves
(For dreams are one of the ways we glimpse these alternate realities)
Was a threat on this occasion.
(The possibility that he or she might have been planning
To detonate a bomb came to mind)
This made it all the more urgent
To assist the forces retarding me
To focus their energies on the alleged bomber.
I fell back on trying to induce some sanity in the situation:
First to try to get myself understood
(that I am an ordinary nobody unworthy of this sort of attention)
I have found that thinking certain images
Heightens certain faculties that help in this regard.
With this in mind
In quick succession
I thought the images of a TV antenna,
A pineapple, and a cloud.
The TV antenna is believed by me to invoke telepathy.
The retarding spirit is quite likely telepathic anyway,
But unfortunately may be reading the mind of my deviant dream self.
Thinking the TV antenna seems to have the effect
Of letting the spirit read the minds of contemporary Melbourne
In my reality,
And at least see that I am unknown.
Also to see my intentions.
The cloud puts the retarding spirit in touch with short term memory
Which is likely to be dealt with in dreams.
The spirt hopefully can see that there has been no build-up to,
In this case,
Planning to detonate a bomb.
The pineapple puts the retarding spirit in touch with long-term memory.
Hopefully the spirit can see that my background
Does not match the "me" being targetted.
Usually the activation of at least one of these mental faculties
Causes the retarding spirit a certain surprise.
My next approach is to activate that faculty in the spirit -
Where the faculty is not present -
And develop it to the point
Where the spirit understands my situation
Without me having to think a thought-form
To bring that faculty into play.
At this point, the spirit usually leaves in search of the alleged threat -
It would seem that spirits can travel between the different realities
Where the different "me"'s exist.
Sometimes this is the end of the story.
But not so on this occasion.
I have hardly had time for a stretch
Than another retarding spirit - make that group of spirits - has arrived,
Hell-bent on stopping me from going to work.
Usually I have very little idea who the spirit is.
Occasionally a voice may be heard.
Sometimes I address them audibly,
Sometimes I am happy with a mental dialogue.
Once again I reason, or attempt to reason.
Am I a threat?
Am I dangerous?
Or am I safe? -
For sometimes the meaning in the dialogue will get inverted.
One by one a series of spirits get straightened out
To the point that they leave me.
And the question arises - Who is sending them?
And why to me?
Do the spirits report back?
At this point I will ask to have a visitation
From the next higher level of command,
A request usually granted.
This is often a spirit known in some way,
But a spirit on this reality, just like me,
Has other selves on other realities,
Some more pleasant, some less pleasant, some much the same.
One never quite knows the nature of the spirit one is dealing with
And how much they can be trusted.
Usually it is necessary to work through the same procedure as before
And activate the odd unworking faculty.
The spirit then typically leaves in a hurry
On the search on this occasion for the elusive bomber.
Today this is not enough.
I get the idea that the chief of my dream selves
Are engaged in a bit of a showdown for leadership -
Some would seem to be able to astral travel from reality to reality.
Some how I am implicated in the rivalry -
To the point that I am asked
What, if I win, I will do.
Once again, the only recourse is to correct any inactive faculties
Behind the delusion that I have the ability
Leave aside the interest
To take over my unconscious mind.
But it would appear some both can and want to.
Eventually a voice says
It's over, but to take it easy.
Phone in, excuse myself for half a day,
Aim to get to work at lunch-time.
It's an exceptional day for us,
The bomber and the leadership challenge.
By "us" is meant the totality of all the "me"'s,
All the dream selves.
At least the retarding spirits are no longer in evidence.
I can make a phone call to my boss;
I can get up;
I can take a token tablet of my prescribed psychiatric drug -
"Token" because for me
Insanity is being obsessed with something beyond reason,
And the only thing obsessing me the past two hours
Has been the to me reasonable desire
To front up for work.
What can another sufferer from schizophrenia learn from this?
Is what I've described schizophrenia at all?
The out of control kicking was not a delusion,
And I felt lucid all the time.
Was I mad?
Did my laborious mental analysis play any part in my recovery,
Or did the condition simply subside?
Do spirits exist and can they retard someone's activity
As I felt on this occasion retarded?
To me schizophrenia is comprehensible only in terms of the many "me"'s,
The many realities.
On a subsconscious reality you are a wanted criminal, perhaps,
And on this reality you show irrational fears of being seen by police.
I tell my boss I have been schizophrenic.
What that means to him is unclear,
(Other than that I may have not taken my medication)
But to me it means for a few hours
My desires have been thwarted
Due to what I call a confusion of realities.
Do I then need treatment?
Not if, as today, it was not my confusion.
It wasn't that I was under the illusion that I was on holiday
When I was not,
Or that it was Sunday when it was Monday,
Or that it was three am when it was eight am.
My understanding of my situation was not at fault.
Yet the flesh was weak, though the spirit was willing.
On reflection I do seem more prone to being retarded by spirits
Than the rest of the population.
My ability to move was wiped out
By a spirit with superior movement energy.
My freshness after a good night's sleep
Was wiped out by a spirit with greater tiredness.
My desire to go to work
Was wiped out by a spirit with greater laziness.
So therapy, or drugs,
That could strengthen these faculties, if available,
Could help.
But most drugs I have heard of
Unfortunately tend to retard
Rather than enable.