09. Collectables

SIGNATURES.—Well, why do they do it? No, obviously I don’t mean why do the famous sign documents, because famous people obviously have a need to make legal agreements. No, I mean why do the autograph hunters do it? Especially the ones that write away to get them… What the hell is your problem, eh? What are you trying to prove? That you live on the same planet? You’re pathetic. Now, get out of my sight.

WIVES.—Technically speaking, one is not allowed to collect wives – unless of course, you’re Johnny Turk. However, there are ways round this dilemma…

CHILDREN.—Children are an essential economic and labour resource that the namby - pamby Nanny state should allow to be depreciated within 7 years of birth. In any case, get as many as you can, because some wear out more quickly.

POLITICIANS.—Highly ornamental, even the most avant - garde designs are just a simple layer of glaze over the same traditional mould. Available in inconvenient sets called “Parties”.