Thursday, June 13, 2002
Australist Government to offer Loyalty Rewards program
Scheme will offer free police, hospital, taxation, infrastructure, cultural and administrative services to all residents, visitors and citizens.
THE HAROLD HERALD, MARTIAL
posted by Special K 8:50 AM

Tuesday, June 11, 2002
How long will the sun shine on A-ha?
John Fussell, president of Ha-Ha, Australis' only official A-ha fan club, has hit out at critics who have suggested the 80s Norwegian pop idols forthcoming August concert should only be 10 minutes long.
"Okay, everyone remembers "Take On Me", and then there's "The Sun Always Shines On TV", and if you really concentrate hard you'll remember "Hunting Hing and Low". That should keep Morten & the boys busy for at least 15 minutes," said Fussell.
"If they elect to perform the the 12 inch extended versions, then Australist A-ha fans will be enjoying 30 solid minutes of top Norwegian entertainment!"
A-ha will be performing at Bus Stop 37, Pelican Street, Chardin (Ile De Marie). Tickets are still available.
posted by Special K 5:54 PM

Thursday, June 06, 2002
Van Diemen Hijackers say 911 has wrecked their tactics
Asylum-seeking hijackers from Van Diemen's Land are angry that they can no longer successfully hijack planes to Australis.
"Ever since 911, everyone on the plane just jumps on us straight away. It doesn't matter whether we have a bomb, a knife or a gun, they just don't sit there and take it, like they used to," complained a bitter Thom Hemera, head of the Van Diemen Hijackers Prison Committee.
"You know, you try and reassure them that you are not on some stupid suicide mission and do they believe you? No. I ask you, where's the trust gone? Hey Bin Laden, thanks for nothing."
posted by Special K 9:06 AM

Wednesday, June 05, 2002
Buffon Tycoon says he'll accept jail if found guilty of corruption
Maal Buffoon, long one of Australis' most high-profile, self-made, selfish business tycoons, says he's ready "to take the consequences" if found guilty of allegedly buying a Swedish manicurist license. He says he takes seriously the hang-nail charges formally filed against him last week.
Australist Federal Judge, Udo Hickey, applauded Buffoon's vocal support, "Without people like him (Buffoon) who are willing to go to jail, well, our whole legal system would be in serious trouble."
posted by Special K 9:36 AM