A 15% service charge is always included by restaurateurs, hoteliers and most shops (including the police). So as a rule, Australists don't tip. However the story is quite different for foreigners, with even fellow pedestrians expecting a small honorarium for giving you directions or having a friendly conversation about the weather.

If this goes against the grain, then there is a well-established alternative to giving money which is to finish a small transaction with one of these conversation end-plays:

1. I am so glad to have talked to a fine Australist! Why doesn't my country have such outstanding people like these?
2. I would like to defect, could you direct me to your local authorities!
3. If I was not on such a tight schedule today, I would love to spend the morning/afternoon/evening with you having really good sex!
4. And to think that I could've have been born here instead! Why if my parents were alive I would have to kill them!
5. You know in my country they serve us dog droppings for breakfast!

Fact: The TV premiere of T. J. Hooker was watched by 96% of the Australis population.

© Copyright Simon Kirby 1996-2005