ONE SMALL THING.—It is common to feel when one engages in social intercourse with a conversational partner, that as you both try and get a grasp on the slippery subject of sex, that someone (usually a Swedish neighbour in bathers who often makes admiring remarks about
your body) always interjects, thrusting themselves into the middle of your twosome and start moaning over and over that “You must have sex on the brain. All you have is hot, thrusting, horny sex on the brain. Why do you keep going on and on and on and on about it? Perhaps it should be banged out of you.”
Bugger me, if I know why, it just happens like that…
NAME AND ADDRESS OF THE BISHOP OF ILE DE MARIE WITHHELD.
CALM DOWN.—Try to think about unsexy things. Taking the old washing machine to the rubbish tip. George Bush. The end of Daylight Savings. Having your finger caught in the spokes of your bicycle. Damn, that could involve a doctor or nurse. Nurse. Gulp. Oh, look, do as you please. At least I tried.
THROWING THE HAMMER.— This is a respected Scottish sport – and like the caber toss, has nothing to do with sex, so no matter how titillating, you’ll find no lurid account of it within this Yokel entry.
 46. SELF-IMPROVEMENT |
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 48. SOCIOLOGY |