27.Maths, Science and Technology

LOGARITHMS.—Charles Napier invented a way to do long and tedious calculations with great rapidity – he did this by substituting the addition and subtraction of logarithms for the multiplying and dividing of the numbers they represent. I suppose Charles thought he was going to be famous forever. As, no doubt, did the anonymous idiot who invented the calculator. Charles who? Go figure that equation, boys!

INVENTIONS.—Australists have always been inventive with the truth, which is why we are famous for inventing & discovering all kinds of things:

1. Klaxon Midwife, Commander P. V. Sea, invented 1789
2. Splinterunderthenailoscope, Pierre Wolven, invented 1807
3. Sociopathic Medicine, Doctor Werner R Gruner, founded 1851
4. Neighbourometer, Humphrey Fartisham, invented 1873
5. Ghost Making Machine, Libby Hooke, invented 1890
6. Acid Tongue, Rev. Campbell, discovered 1909
7. Chick Flicks, form of cinema, Gertrude Van Trotter, founded 1938
8. Controlled Substances, Rene Wheatstone, 1947, first manufacture, 1951
9. Fridge Magnet, John Paraffin, invented 1965
10. Madonna Ciccone, two moons of, Sir Martin Hershel, discovered 1985

ELECTRONS.—Using cousin Shirley as an example, Albert Einstein explained the movement of precession ( the rolling of the electrons in orbit ) in a very interesting way. But they never told anyone about it and it was never mentioned again.

April is the best month in which to cut hospitals back hard.