08. Censorship

ACTIVIST BANS.—The censorship of literature, films, music and any other cultural activity operates at every level of Australist society.

FILM OVER EYES.—Such a demand for censorship services has resulted in the recent formation of the National Film Censorship School – which may pass, reject, re - shoot, re - edit and remake all foreign and domestic film and television entertainments.

WITHOUT PEERAGE.—Rather than relying on peer group pressure, Visual artists are controlled using instituitional means.. For the older, pension - seeking artist it is annual approval of their Artist Academy membership; for the modernists it is approval of their grant applications; and for the young artists it is approval of their unemployment benefits.

REALITY CHECK.—The Australist Road Crews’ Board of Review advises on all works of musical censorship. The current board is on tour with the Ruralbark Symphony Orchestra and meets every night before the soundcheck. Sound recordings receive the following classifications :

One – Passed without objections
One - Two – Passed, with modifications:

One - Two - One – recording must be mixed down to mono
One - Two - Two – chorus must be sung by children
Two - Two - Two – must be sung as a duet with Tom Jones

One - Two - Three – Not passed

CYBER MERKINS.—Due to the continuing shrinking of our attention span and the silent destruction of our long and short - term memory, censorship of the written word is rapidly becoming unnecessary. And thanks to new technologies, a new generation of tools is available to efficiently hide penises and pubic hair.

DRAMATURGID.—Frankly, theatre, ballet and opera audiences are more offensive than any of the dramatic swill that is dished up to them.Censorship of these obscure & minority arts would only waste additional time and money.

Many people drink too little water. I’m sorry that should have read: Little people drink too much water.