Cursed Drink and the Eternal Mind

Here we are again on a Friday night
I have ate too much
Drunk too much
Still have a pint of Guiness before my eyes
What do I care
Nothing now
But in the morning
I will curse myself for letting go and getting in such a state
I feel like this, like shit in the morning.
Not wanting to talk
No wanting to do anything
I am not alone, I have a family to think about
A three year old daughter who wants her daddy to play with
Not too lie in bed like an old harlot pushing her away
With a banging head and a bloated belly
Yet I have done it again as I write this
I feel pissed once more
Why does it happen
I do not know but only know it will happen again and again and again
I am sober and bored
I need a bit of a spark which drink can bring
I have one or two and the spark lights up, wanting more, needing more
I am only happy enough to oblige as I want more too.
Love the feeling of slowly losing my inhibitions, not caring what anyone thinks no more
Feeling free at last of the shackles of life
More talkative, even abusive but saying what I want 
Unconcerned about others.
I get sick of worrying about the hurts of others
Fuck others for a change
I want to be a nasty old bleeder
Of course not too far, I do not want to end up sober and in jail for ten years
A fate worse than death.
But we are all one and the same,.
What does it matter
Not at all if I knew all of what I say instinctively rather than through reading
Reading is no good
You only know in the mind and the mind is the curse
So of course I will worry and fret until my mind is gone like a mirage in the desert
I drink because of this
I cannot seem to meditate on the floor remembering nothing
I have stopped all this
Yet I need something to silence my mind and drink comes in handy
What a state of affairs.
No matter what, remain strong and remain with no thought.