Big Bad Mama and the New Deputy

the stagecoach rode into town astride a rampant horse
called whippet
whoof, he crowed like a dog
ate mounds of peas placed before him before ejaculating
the new town deputy over the town virgin
well howdy dowdy ma'am
pleased to meet cha
same here big boy
I have been a virgin all my fifty two years for want of a decent man
to ride my arse to hell and back
but you're here now big cock so whip it out and lets get started
he ho to that you sexy mama
and off they trotted to anoint the town jail.


The Eternal See Saw

Up and down the moods do change
happiness is despair
feeling positive
then plunged into debilitating depression
don't fight it
it is hard I know
you hate this feeling
want nothing more than to escape its icy grip
desiring the happiness you had so recently
don't you see
it is this desire
this happiness
which must result in the despair of now
two ends of the same stick
cannot have one without the other
up and down on the seesaw
only way is to see them both as they are
illusions of the ego
feeding on your emotions like a hungry dog
don't fight the despair or run and hide
detach yourself from it
and watch
Look into it with no mind
see the falsehood
do not be trapped by the constant appearing
it is only the other side of the same coin
equally clouding the truth
watch for it
it is more tricky than the despair
cos it feels so good
oh, you want to follow it
don't
again detach yourself
and watch
no mind, no past, no future, no present
empty.


Singing Alleluia to the sun

turning over the pages of the book of life
rereading the same chapter
I nod and fall in love
peace by on you my child
snoring like a two ton bayonet
poised to spear the sleeping dragon
salute I shout
how about it
bow down oh noble saint
chains rattling and sinking in the mire
raise up you standard and fly to the moon
too soon
fly away
see your family once more
love and joy
I look around and all the heads are uplifted
singing alleluia to the sun
alleluia
praise be


Die to the Past

Die to the past every second
die to the past
all worries gone
all despairs gone
no planning
no roadmap for life
no one knowing what you will do
not even yourself
life is atomic
something happens and you respond with no thought
no mind
no preparation
go with the flow
let go
watch and die to the past


Calm Still Sky

The butterflies gnaw in my stomach
I feel incapable and rooted
only moving slowly in a shuffling way
like an old beggar off the streets
my mind is in a whirl
judging and spinning
do this
do that
reasoning and thinking
I get dragged in and depression falls
let it go
don't fight it
simply watch it float past
a temporary cloud in a still sky
do not get below the clouds
never knowing whether you are coming or going
tossing and turning from one cloud of ignorance to the next
drop them all
the pleasurable and the depressive
let the clouds all float by
see the truth behind
in the calm still sky


Drunk again

drunk again
what a bummer
I feel dead
knackered
mouth tasting like shit
ten million times to brush my teeth
belly feeling like vomit
I feel bad
head banging
all day
I don't get weak hangovers
only full day ones
not getting better as the day wears on but worse
shit
what a fool
why?
Why?
Who knows what I might do when I am drunk
depression invades
thoughts come in gleefully
why?
Keep on trying


Friday Afternoon

Here I am on Friday afternoon
just been bucketing down
yesterdays hangover still lurking
a slight cloud hovers above
crazy fool
I know I cannot take it
others can drink
my dad
booster
fitzy
can put it away and get up okay next day
not me
I feel terrible
worse thing of all is not the headache
mouth rot
generally feeling shit
but my thoughts
they invade and start repeating
around and around
I feel weak to stop them
all the good work done previously shattered for the moment
The thoughts are negative
debilitating
all confidence vanishes
I quake at the thought of human contact
all seems pointless
I hate myself
the 'why didn't I do this'
'I should have done this'
come back to haunt me
I have smashed all the good work
simply for a few drinks
spoiling everything
causing troubles with Trish
but worst the turmoil in my own mind
I feel so bad
depression gleefully walks in
sits at my table and
wrecks the crockery
what to do
nothing
simply look into the depression
don't fight it or hide
don't look to jump back to positive feeling
One extreme for the other
with one you'll always have the other
look into it
the need is to transcend both negative and positive
leave them behind
can only transcend after diving into the depths
do it
watch your thoughts
no thinking about it
no getting dragged in
simply watch good and bad
no difference
don't let any chemicals weaken your body so detachment fades
don't think about it
don't promise only to be broken
make judgements
look into it with no mind
learn the lesson
die to the past each moment
renew yourself each moment
a different person
how can you be humiliated or angered
when that person dies in the next moment
not freedom of the ego
but freedom from the ego
nothing
ans this makes Satre tremble
no more I
no more individual
no longer two
transcended good and bad and all such mind made illusion
having peeled the onion of the self
finding nothing
relaxing in that nothing
let go


Stick to it

I have wrote about it in the last two poems
written awhile ago and yet
here I am typing them up and sticking in this new poem
what is in my hand
a bottle of beer
what is building up in the glass recycling bin
yes - more and more little green bottles
well on the way to drunkdom again
will I never learn
I am repeating stuff of years gone by
I wrote about the shame then and here I am
boozing as I write
will I learn
no
not whilst I rely on my mind to tell me one way or the other
fuck the mind
it, not the boozing or whatever
is the problem
no thoughts
no thoughts
stick to this
don't go down well trammelled byways getting concerned with
unimportant trivia
forget them
pissed or not
no matter
what matters is having no thought
stick to that


Online Heaven

I have been on the web
loved it
fell into it
cannot escape it
trapped in the web
rolling me around and around before the bite
bite me more baby
I love it
who needs more
virtual space
cyber space
out in the garden you have go to be joking
I am online


Drinking in the Truth

The tablecloth is plastic and filled with flowers
scrubbing the residue
feel the texture
spilt milk over a golden blossom
wipe your sins off with a wire brush

No more says I trooping
through a thicket of murky fog
glancing for a second
seeing the word spinning in all directions

Lamps glow as a firelighter will
give me some peace
I follow behind the well trodden path
eyeing the jungle with jealous eyes

To dart from the known to the unknown
transcending both
entering the unknowable
awakening to the Nothingness

Awake my soul
Drink in Truth


Enough said

silence the mind
enough said


No longer miss truth in the void

die each moment to the past
cease looking to the future
step out of time
live in the here and now

not here and now as in time
between past and future
but here and now as in eternity
outside of time and space

one moment encapsulating all infinity
no individual
simply a oneness with all creation
a drop of water entering the ocean

we are perfect now
there is nothing more to do
yet we go on trying to put legs on a snake
coating ourselves with illusion

missing the real and true
enveloped in misery and despair
of our own creation
engineered by our own mind

giving us the ultimate illusion of
the separate I
nothing to be gained
simply to stop missing the truth

to dig away the dirt of ignorance all around us
peel away our skins
look within
let go of our thoughts

all this a mantra
a magic spell to help us see the illusion of I and mind
once we are in the void
a silent mind

mantra can be let go off as well
it has done its job
in the void
sit and watch
no longer missing truth


No disturbance

No thought
let it come out and do not follow
watch it float across the empty sky
causing no ripples in your calm
a pleasurable thought
no grasping
watch it come from outside
disappear
the most ugly, disgusting thought
horror
do not recoil
turn your head away
trying to block it
look it straight in the eye
watch it
detached
it too disappears
no disturbance to the calm
no disturbance
treat both impostors
good thoughts
bad thoughts
equally
they are parts of the same illusion
clouding the true
transcend them both and all such duality's
only after looking both smack in the face and not be disturbed can
One be free in all.


Let them come

Let them come
don't fight them
let them come
wash over you
let them come
the good and the bad
watch them all
detached
no interference
they go
calm truth is seen.


Wonderful Summer

The sun shines brightly out of my bedroom window
pissing with rain out of the front room whilst
snow echoes the pain of winter out the back door
all seasons in the one house
our house
outside mirrored inside
jack and Jill's bedroom is as icy as any Antarctic frost
aunt Judy pours torrents of tears out of her cut eyes in requited love for jack
whilst in aunt jennies room, with the kids, all is
sunshine
happiness
play
what a wonderful house
what a wonderful summer


Enough I say

no more excuses
no more apologising
afraid of everyone and everything
seeking solace ina bottle of beer
enough I say


Do you

let it happen
come what may
don't second guess the future
don't hark after the past
neither exists
only the here and now
for eternity
truth exists in the here and now
do you?


Do nothing

what to do
nothing
nothing
nothing
only when you truly do nothing
will you see there never was a need to do anything.
So do nothing
do nothing
the external world affects thee nought
look on it all as illusion
everyone as god
no arrogance
no smugness
traits of the individual
there is no individual
simply be
one with all
no thoughts
here and now
don't fight it
let it go
good and bad
relax and calm down


Be nothing and be free

Write the model story for all to follow
no more invention
just lies on lies
copying the master who is dead or alive
it matters not
I am that master
me and a million others
you are the master
yes you
you reading this
a master
hard to fathom
take the apple out of the case and what is it
empty
you are empty too as is all life
look not for meaning
there is none
nothing is god
look for nothing
be nothing
and be free.


Glass of Port

Touch the flames
feel the fire
awake and laugh
I can go much higher

up, up and floating high
blackbirds wink
at the amazing sight
human being caught abreast

pounded down the skeleton
crashed to my knees
if you please
I'll have mash and peas

pour some gravy on to
who are you
off to summer dacha
snow prickly my knob

Sensations of burning toast
gammon roast for support
glass of port
have a snort


What?

Puddle, puddle, boil and trouble
split the atom
huge bong
rather grand
what men can do
famine and wars never-ending
seeming no end
for all our scientific advances
nothing changes
people suffer
we all suffer
all carry equal blame
you and me
wake up and see the truth
but what can I change I hear you cry
nothing
don't try
just be aware of it
watch it
understand without mind
spontaneous quietening of your mind
accompanies
what?