Gamma Project Bulletin Board

Welcome to the Bulletin Board. In this section of the website we will try to address the questions and concerns of our client groups, bisexual men and their female partners. If you have a query or concern you can e mail it to us and we will endeavour to reply within the week. If you want your reply to go to your e mail address then you can specify that this is the case, if not we will assume you wish to access the reply via the Bulletin Board. I will attempt to update the bulletin board at fortnightly intervals. You can e-mail us by clicking on to the following link:

I recently had a situation where a condom broke while I was having anal sex and the guy came inside me. I don’t think that the other guy was very likely to be infected and he said he was clean. I am married and I don’t want to put my wife at risk. How soon can I get a test result? I believe that you have to wait a while before testing? Is this true.

The best option is to go along to the Melbourne Sexual Health Clinic in Swanston Street  or a doctor with a good knowledge of HIV infection and get a baseline test done straight away. They may want to test you at intervals over a three-month period since in some cases it may take that long for AN antibody to the virus to develop. Other infections such as gonorrhea and chlamydia and herpes can be detected quite quickly and you should enquire about those tests also.

The statistical possibility of contracting HIV from a single exposure are small but during the initial period of infection with the virus viral load is very high and unprotected sex with your wife during this period could represent a risk of infection. The phone number of the Melbourne Sexual Health Clinic is 93470244 but it is not necessary to make an appointment so you might prefer to just go in. You might ring first to check waiting times. Finally it is important that you use lots of water-based lubricant during anal sex and most condom failure is related to inadequate lubrication. Remember also that oil based lubricants can contribute to condom failure.
 

I live in Sale and only have male sex at the saunas when I go to either Melbourne or Sydney on business about once a month. I’d like to make some contacts in the local area but as far as I know there’s only the beats around here and I think that’s a bit risky. Do you know of any groups or people who might be interested in a discrete group in this district?

No sorry I don’t, but it’s a problem we see fairly often. The need for anonymity in rural areas tends to put people off of formal groups although a number of areas do have discrete groups operating. You might try making Internet contact to start with, this kind of contact can be anonymous until you feel more comfortable with the person and you can then initiate personal contact. You could try gay.com and use the chat room services there; you will need to provide a bio line in which you can say that you are interested in a discrete group in your area. You may need to be patient but it could be worthwhile. Good luck let us know if you get something up and running.

I’ve been thinking about having sex with another man for the last couple of years and right now I feel I should just do it and get it our of my system once and for all. I’m 28 and have a live in girlfriend, we’re planning on getting married and starting a family next year. I’d prefer not to have this feeling hanging over me. Where can I go to get some anonymous sex and what is safe.

If you are just looking for anonymous sex I’d suggest a sex on premises venue such as a sauna is the best option. They are legal and there is no risk of bashers or police as is the case with beats (public toilets).Steamworks in the city is a popular sauna.  Wanking is probably the only thing that is absolutely safe. Have a look at our safe sex information area on this website for more information and don’t take risks, after all you don’t want to put your girlfriend at any risk.

As far as getting it out of your system goes,  you need to consider what will happen if you really like the sex and want to continue to have male to male sex.  It might be a good idea to get some counseling before you take that step. You can either just ring or you can arrange for a face-to-face counseling appointment if you would like to consider this further.

I recently told my girlfriend that I am bi. We are both 24 and have been together for 3 years now. At first she was pretty understanding and supportive of me but lately she has been asking lots of questions that I can’t really answer. Questions like which kind of sex I like best and how do I see a long-term relationship developing with her. I have had very little sex with men and none since I have been with her. I think she’s worried I won’t be faithful and to be honest while I would never do anything about it I find myself checking other guys out a bit lately. I love her and I want to be with her but how do I convince her of this.

Well I guess the best way is to be completely honest with her about your feelings and the desires, but it is difficult to reassure someone else when you aren’t all that sure yourself. Linda Midalia is a counselor who is very experienced in working with the female partners of bisexual men and I would suggest that your girlfriend might benefit from talking to Linda, her number is 98265452 during business hours.  Talking to a third party can often clarify the thought process and you might also like to consider some counseling for yourself.

Many women worry about fidelity and security in a relationship and I would suggest that you focus your thoughts and discussions around these issues. As I said at the beginning it is important for you both to be very honest about your needs and expectations from an ongoing relationship.

I saw your information on sexual health monitoring and think it is a great idea. Only problem is I can’t go to my family doctor, he sees the rest of the family and I’m not sure how he would react to my “other” sex life! Can you suggest any other services I could use?

I mentioned the Melbourne Sexual Health center in an earlier reply, no appointment needed and the service is totally confidential and free! If you’d rather see a private practitioner you could try either the Middle Park Clinic, 41 Armstrong Street, Middle Park or The Carlton Clinic, 88, Rathdowne Street, Carlton. There are many gay friendly medical practitioners around so if the two above don’t suit drop a line and mention your area and we’ll see what we can find.
 

I am a married man aged 42. I have been actively bi all my life although my wife does not know this. For the last year I have been seeing a 35 year old man who is exclusively gay, which has been very nice. Before him I only did saunas and it is a pleasant change to have a constant partner. My problem is my friend wants us to meet more often and says he thinks he’s in love with me. I can’t manage more than twice a week without causing problems at home which is the last thing I want. Also while I like the man a lot I also love my wife and children and would not consider leaving them.

He says we should stop seeing each other if I cannot do any better, he has not been seeing anyone but me for the last eight months and he gets lonely at times. I ring him when I can and see him twice a week but that’s the best I can do for now. Maybe in the future more time would be possible but not now.  I like him and don’t want to lose him altogether. What should I do?

I think you should show him your letter to me! It makes your position perfectly clear and while I sympathise with his desire to have increased contact with the man he cares for; it is clearly not what you want. You have another life apart from the time you spend with him and at the moment he does not. It is really up to him to decide whether what he has from you now is enough or not. If it isn’t then he should move on. You will probably miss that ongoing contact but in fairness to him you should not hold out hopes for more contact in the future unless you can deliver them.

I am 62 years old and have never had sex with a man although I have wanted to since I can remember. I married and, although tempted at times, was always faithful to my wife. My wife died last year and my children are all grown up and married themselves. I thought I should at last see what it was all about and went to a few of the gay bars. No one was very friendly and many were very young. I came away feeling very old and undesirable. I tried one of the saunas with the same result. Have I left it too late to start out or is there some way to meet people who might have an interest in an older man?

No you haven’t left it too late! There are many younger guys out there who like older men and there are many older men who like the same! Unfortunately the bars and saunas are probably not the best places to meet them. There is an organization called Vintage Men which meets on a regular basis, you can contact them on 97732570. I think this would be a good place to start. If you have Internet capacity you could try the chat rooms at gay.com, which has a Melbourne, based mature room or you could try advertising on the web through either gaydar or pinkboard.  You might also like to look through the community and group listings in the Melbourne Community Voice or at the Also foundations website at www.also.org.au to see if there are groups which you would be interested in attending. The MCV is available free of charge in most gay venues.  You might also like to access the Gay and Lesbian Switchboard on 1800 631 493 for further information.  Keep trying and Good luck.

I came along to some of your support group meetings about a year ago and found them really helpful in solving a few of the problems I had. I still feel isolated though and would like to make social contact with other gay or bi men. I can’t get out a great deal so I was wondering if there might be a gay or bi men’s social group out here in the eastern suburbs of Melbourne which meets on an occasional basis?

Not that I am aware of although some of the guys reading this might know of one and e mail us about it, if so I will let you know. By the way, have you considered starting one yourself?