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isolation

You eagerly anticipate your baby's homecoming - a return to some semblance of normal life, even if it does include caring for a high needs baby. But you soon realize that "normal" lifestyle is still a bit out of reach. You won't be able to show off your little miracle child to the world. You can't look forward to walking through the mall, enjoying everyone "oohing" and "aahing" over your tiny bundle. You will miss out on holiday get-togethers because crowds of people are just too risky. You can't even invite over your neighbor friend because she has a young child, and you can't jeopardize your baby's health. While you understand these precautions - your baby is at a greater risk for developing complications from ordinary cold and flu germs, you may be trying to cope with your own loneliness and isolation as you strive to protect your child. If friends, family or coworkers act as if you are paranoid, and obsessed with germs, you may feel angry and resentful that you must defend your legitimate desire to protect your vulnerable baby.

You have already been through a difficult and stressful experience with your family. You may have been relatively isolated from family and friends during your baby's hospital stay. Coming home with a baby who needs continued vigilance means that your are not yet in the clear. Things are not going to be the way you imagined. At a time when you have lost out on so much already, you now lament the loss of your freedom, your friends, your routines, and your family traditions.

"What bothered me most about isolation was not seeing friends, especially friends who won't see how much the babies have changed over the course." --Tina, mom to 23-weeker quads

If this is your child's second winter, you already endured one long season of isolation last year. You were able to enjoy the relatively "germ-free" summer months. You may have tasted freedom, reconnecting with others as you shared your baby with friends, family and neighbors. You might have taken a deep breath of relief, reveling in being able to treat your baby with less watchfulness, fearing infection less. But as winter approaches, the doctors tell you it's time to return to your cave, time to hibernate until the germs recede again. How do you explain this to others? How do you feel? After all, you had just started to feel "normal," you had just started to build relationships with other parents and families whose company and advice you value and enjoy.

"What will be most difficult to give up is his playgroup. He will miss the kids and I'll miss contact with moms who have a similar parenting philosophy. That will be the biggest hardship." --Maureen, mom to 33-weeker